Is He Married?
Are you dating a guy that you suspect might be married? Does he behave in strange ways that seem strangely secretive? Do your interactions with him give you pause for concern?
If so, you are not alone. Many single women bring this particular problem to therapy as they try to make sense of various odd behaviors observed in a new love interest. If you are wondering if the guy you have been dating is already attached, this article is for you.
According to some published reports, as many as 22% of men will cheat on their wives at some point during the course of their marriage. More sobering are the statistics that suggest as many as 74% of men would have an affair if they knew they could get away with it!
The reasons behind marital infidelity run the gambit, ranging from general boredom with a spouse to a lack of passion in the bedroom. Cheating in fact is one of primary reasons married couples split after a spouse gets busted for stepping out.
Is He Married: 10 Warning Signs
So how do you know if the guy you are seeing is married? What are some of the tell-tale signs you should look out for? What can you glean from his behaviors to help you arrive at a solid answer?
What follows are 10 warning signs to pay attention to that may suggest you are dating a married man. Some of these signs are obvious while others are more subtle. You will need to look at all of his behaviors in their totality in order to connect the dots.
Are you ready? Let’s jump right in!
1. He doesn’t talk about his friends
If he doesn’t discuss his friends or talk about activities with his buddies, this could be a surefire sign that the man is married. Married men who have secret affairs on their wives aren’t going to talk about their buds because there is an off chance you might know them. By extension, don’t expect to meet his friend’s either if he is hitched.
2. He has two cellphones
While many people have more than one cellphone for work related reasons, a cheating husband usually has two – one for the world and other for his secret life. If he is refusing to give you the other number or if you notice he steps away to “take a call”, consider this a major red flag.
3. He calls you from odd locations
If the guy you are seeing is consistently calling you from strange places, like the grocery store, the car wash or gas stations – pay attention. This is exactly the type of behavior one would expect from a married man who is trying to hide his relationship with you from his wife.
4. He is unavailable to talk or text
If you notice that the guy you are seeing is consistently unavailable to talk at night or doesn’t return any of your texts until the next morning, your internal alarms should be going off. If he is cheating on his wife, there’s a good chance he is spending time with her in the evening.
5. He’s unavailable on weekends
If the guy you are seeing is almost always unavailable on weekends, you need to take note. Unless he has a job that requires him to be at work on Saturdays and Sundays, there’s really no reason why the two of you shouldn’t be hanging out together – unless of course he is married.
6. You don’t know exactly where he lives
If the guy you are seeing is ambiguous about where he lives and consistently leaves out details that point to where he goes to sleep at night, you need to be concerned. Think about it. Married men who are cheating on their wives don’t want secret mistresses pulling up in the driveway.
7. He pays for dates with you in cash
Sure, he may be financially savvy and only use hard cash to pay for dates. This is referred to as pay as you go. There’s nothing wrong with that. If, however, he is cheating on his wife, he may be wining and dining with good old fashioned greenbacks in order to avoid a paper trail. Married men don’t want a monthly credit card statement or online bank account ledger to coming to their house.
8. He has a tan line or impression on his ring finger
This one is an easy one to spot. Pay attention to his left hand and the finger just next to his pinkie. In the U.S., most married men place their wedding ring there. Wedding bands almost always leave an indentation around the skin. Look for discoloration as well, such as a tan line.
9. He has no social media presence
Men who cheat on their wives know that we live in an age where it is easy to check up on someone. If the guy you are dating has no social media presence or has a super ambiguous online presence, it could be an indication he is trying to hide something.
10. He doesn’t talk about his previous relationships
If the guy you have been seeing is cheating on his wife, he’s going to have difficulty talking about previous relationships. He may say he “used to be married” but recently got divorced. You will need to look at the previous 9 behaviors mentioned here to see if that claim makes sense. Remember, a cheating man knows that sharing too much information is a surefire way to slip-up and get busted!
Dating a Married Man Final Thoughts
Many men who cheat are narcissistic, thinking they are simply too smart to get caught. Others however, find they become addicted to the thrill of the cheat, which is often shrouded in danger and secrecy.
If you are looking for more insight as to why men cheat on their wives, a great book to pick up is Having an Affair? A Handbook for the Other Women. This particular read offers multiple perspectives from men who cheat and from the women they secretly date. It’s a real eye opener!
Many women seek out counseling after learning the ugly truth. Working with a therapist who has experience with issues regarding marital infidelity can help with the healing process.