There comes a time in a person’s life where they end yet another relationship and begin to wonder exactly what the problem is. Is it the classic situation where a person only seems to be attracted to the wrong people and doesn’t realize that fact until it’s too late? Many people think that the aforementioned scenario is one of the major reasons why couples break up.
Those same people may be surprised to learn, however, that they should actually be turning inward for the correct answer. Perhaps you are one of those people?
There are a huge number of different ways that you may be consciously or subconsciously sabotaging your relationships. They say that one of the first steps to recovery is admitting that you have a problem in the first place. By understanding some of the main ways that you may be sabotaging your relationship, you can learn a great deal about yourself and put yourself on a road to personal happiness with another person at the same time.
The relationship specialists at Couples Counseling Center would like you to consider the following five behaviors to gain a better insight into your own potential relationship sabotaging behaviors. Are you ready?
Let’s jump right in!
1. You’re Being a Jerk for No Reason
When a relationship is still in its early stages, it is common for both men and women to be unfailingly kind and caring towards one another. Though this “honeymoon period” is certainly not to be expected to last forever, you may be actually sabotaging your relationship if you start acting like a jerk for no reason.
This is one of the most obvious reasons why your relationship may be going down the tubes, actually. If you can’t help from turning even small disagreements into huge blow out arguments at the drop of a hat, you may be subconsciously trying to push that person away. The end of a relationship will not be too far behind, particularly if you struggle with anger management issues.
2. You’re Becoming Increasingly Distant
One of the most important things that you can do in a relationship is be as open and as honest as possible with your partner. Caring is one of the many reasons why people get into relationships in the first place. If you’re becoming increasingly distant, however, it may be a sign that you’re actually sabotaging your relationship instead of helping it grow. This behavior may also indicate possible fears of intimacy.
If something great happens at work and you not only don’t share it with your significant other but you actually go out of your way to hide it from that person, you may be sabotaging your relationship.
3. You’re Focusing on the Wrong Things
Every relationship is going to have its ups and downs. Not every single moment in a relationship is going to be great – just like not every single moment in life will be wine and roses. If you find yourself focusing on the bad aspects of your relationship all the time, however, you may actually be sabotaging that relationship within your mind’s eye.
You may say to yourself “There are ten things that I hate about my significant other” and completely ignore the 100 things that you actually love and can’t live without. Having an unrealistic Prince Charming requirement only sets yourself up for failure.
4. You’re Not Making Your Relationship a Number One Priority
Anyone who said that relationships are not hard work was probably trying to sell you something. All relationships require work – that’s a universally accepted fact that is true even if you aren’t married to someone. One of the major things that you need to do to help a relationship succeed, however, is put it above everything else in your life. Communication is a key component to success in this area.
Your significant other should be more important to you than your friends, your job, your hobbies and more – that’s all part of the point why people get into relationships in the first place. If you constantly find yourself putting anything and everything in front of your relationship, you’re probably unintentionally sabotaging it at the same time.
5. You’re Looking for a Friend and Not a Partner
Finally, one of the biggest ways that you’re likely sabotaging your relationship is because you’re looking for a friend and not a partner. You ideal significant other shouldn’t be someone who thinks exactly like you, enjoys all the same things as you and wants to do everything you want to do at the same time.
That’s what best friends are for. A significant other is someone who elevates you into the best possible version of yourself that you can be. That’s something else entirely.
Summing Things Up
If you think you are sabotaging your relationships, you might want to spend some time exploring what is going on inside of you. One way to empower positive change is to consider picking up a copy of the book Relationship Saboteurs by Randi Gunther.
Inside, you will find page after page of useful insight that can help you gain greater insight into your behaviors and move about the business of personal transformation.