Getting Over a Crush
By: Deb Klecha and Alex DeWoskin
Do you have a secret crush on someone – bad? To keep it real, getting over a crush can be very hard. If you are honest with yourself, you know that the crush you have on that special someone can be overwhelming. This is particularly true if you have attached your emotions to a close friend or associate.
At Couples Counseling Center, we work with lots of individuals who are struggling to move past these kinds of situations and want to say here that we recognize what you are going through right now is likely painful.
If you have been crushing on someone bad and have been looking for a little practical advice, you have come to the right place. What follows are 7 essential tips for making it through the “crush on someone” process so that you can arrive at a better emotional and psychological destination in the future.
Some of the suggestions made here will likely strike you as common sense while others will make you pause and think. Read them all so that you can fully absorb their deeper meaning. Bear in mind when you read these that you shouldn’t expect healing to take place overnight.
Are you ready? Let’s jump right in!
Getting over a Crush: 7 Tips
1. Admit yourself you have a crush
Before you can take any other steps, it is absolutely vital that you acknowledge to yourself that you are bigtime crushing on someone. Pretending like you don’t have these feelings will only make them stronger. Under this point, consider these sub-tips:
- Write down what you are feeling in a journal or notepad. Sometimes seeing the words can help with the process of catharsis. You can always destroy what you have written but it is important to let these feelings out in the written word.
- List out your emotions, no matter silly or scary they might feel.
- Say what you are feeling out loud when you are alone. Embrace your truth by stating exactly what is happening: I have a crush on (fill in the blank) and it sucks!
2. Gain the support of others
The second step in moving past your crush is to simply share your feelings with someone you highly trust. You may be thinking this is risky; particularly if you do not want the person you are crushing on to know what’s up. Here are some sub-tips to think about:
- Talk to a relationship counselor about what is going on with you emotionally. The best part about this option is that whatever you share will be held in the strictest of confidence. It is important to speak your truth as you let someone else be your silent witness on your journey towards healing.
- Talk to a trusted friend or family member who you know will not reveal your secret. Be careful of blabbermouths! Remember, you will be talking to this person regarding the object of your affection. Make sure you carefully choose this individual and give preference to someone who has had experience with these kinds of issues.
3. Step into your fantasies
An important part of getting past a crush is to step into your fantasies. This is similar to point number one but different in that you are now attaching mental pictures to your feelings. The goal here is to explore what is rational and irrational. Here are a few smaller points under this area:
- Write out your crush fantasy and look for patterns.
- Assess if you have projected irrational thoughts onto your fantasy. For example, have you create some type of Prince Charming in your mind’s eye?
- Circle what is rational and irrational and mediate on both. Allow whatever thoughts come to mind to occur and then pass.
4. Identify bad things about your crush
When you have a crush on someone, you likely engage in a lot of fanciful thinking and assign traits to this person that simply aren’t realistic. This happens when we unintentionally put someone else up on a pedestal. One easy way to throw a monkey wrench into your mind’s run-a-way train is to list out some of this person’s bad traits. Here are some suggestions:
- Jot down some observations about other people do not like. Does your crush have any of these characteristics?
- Ask yourself what you have observed in your crush that struck you the wrong way or was just a little odd.
- Meditate on these undesired traits and eventually release your thoughts into the universe.
5. Minimize communications with your crush
This particular suggestion is not going to be easy but it is necessary if you are ever going to recover from your debilitating crush. Minimizing communications means just that – limiting your contact as much as possible. Ongoing interaction and exposure to your crush will only fuel the flames of passion. Here are some suggestions:
- Unfriend or block your crush from social media. This way you remove the temptation of “checking” on this person throughout the day.
- Avoid social situations (where possible) that you might run into your crush. You won’t have to do this forever but you will need to avoid him/her for a few months.
- If your friends are in some way connected to your crush, avoiding taking the bait and getting into conversations that are designed to get them to reveal information. You may have to tell your friends that you don’t want to talk about the person you are secretly crushing on.
- Toss out pictures of your crush. Yes – toss them. Simply put, if you keep holding on to the photographs you are holding on to the fantasy.
6. Make some new friends
Once you get over the initial hump, you will need to put yourself out there and make some new friends. Having new people in your life will help you to not isolate and increase your circle of support. Suggestions under this tip include:
- Make friends with people outside of your crush’s people network.
- Engage in some new activities that you are interested in where you will likely meet new people.
- Be available to your friends and listen to their problems. In return, they will do the same for you.
7. Engage in self-care
The final point in getting over a crush is to engage in a high degree of self-care. If you are a female, you might be thinking pedicures and facial masks. If you are a guy, thoughts of sleeping until noon might be popping into your mind. All of these are fine and dandy but the kind of self-care we are talking about is more involved. Here are some tips for this area:
- Engage in an exercise program and use your emotional pain to build something new with your body.
- Consider taking part in yoga and practice the art of mindful meditation.
- Try giving yourself a makeover. An example might be trying a new hair style or doing something different with your clothing. The idea is to reinvent aspects of yourself in a healthy way that are born from the pain you are carrying. This is how personal healing and transformation truly
Final Thoughts
Here is the good news – you will eventually get over your crush. That may seem impossible right now because you are caught up with your feelings. Below we are listing a resource you might find helpful in fortifying you’re your spirit and resolve.
We hope you found this post useful. Thanks for stopping by Couples Counseling Center. Please Like us on Facebook, Share on Twitter and Pin on Pinterest!