Is He Cheating on Me?
Do you have a little voice inside of you that keeps asking the nagging question: Is he cheating on me? It’s not a very nice thought, is it? Finding out that your boyfriend or husband is cheating is something that nobody should have to go through. Finding out that the person you love has been having an affair behind your back can be emotionally devastating while obliterating any amount of trust that once existed as part of the relationship.
Let’s be honest. In a perfect world, if your guy wasn’t happy he would be up front, tell you what he has been doing and then break it off like a man. We unfortunately don’t live in a perfect world, however, and even the people who you would least likely expect to stray off the farm can turn out to be serial cheaters. It doesn’t help if you live in Chicago, where our fair city has been identified as one of the top 10 places for extramarital affairs.
Is he cheating on me 10 signs
What follows are 10 specific behaviors that the couples therapists here at the center have put together through consensus. If you notice 2 or 3 of these signs in your man, it may be something to worry about. If you notice three or more however, you need to start taking a closer look at what may be happening. Remember, it is important to look at everything he is doing in totality along with other potential cheating behaviors before you decide to confront him.
Are you ready for our 10 signs of a cheating man?
Let’s jump right in!
1. He starts acting differently
When you’ve been with someone for any appreciable amount of time, you tend to get to know the way they behave under normal circumstances. This goes beyond just knowing what someone likes and dislikes – you know how they’re going to react to certain situations. It’s one of the parts that people like about being in a relationship so much.
It also happens to be one of the first signs that he might be cheating that you can’t ignore. If he starts behaving noticeably differently and strays from his normal behavioral patterns all the time, it could just be a sign that something is up.
2. He’s moodier than ever
If your man starts having mood swings, there are a few important questions that you have to ask yourself. Is he going through a rough time at work? Is he stressed about money or something else that you can identify with? Has he always had extreme highs and lows?
If the answer to all of these questions is “no,” you may be looking at another sign that he’s cheating that shouldn’t be ignored.
3. He focusing more on his appearance
If your man suddenly drops a ton of weight or seems to care about the way he dresses and looks like he hasn’t in the past, it may be because he considers himself to be “back on the market.” Experts agree that cheating men tend to change physically in an appreciable way.
They take more pride in their appearance, they wear better clothes and they may even start working out. Though this could just be someone who wants to get in shape and look better so that you can show him off, it may also be someone who has a little something going on the side that you should be aware of.
4. His chances his likes and dislikes dramatically
People tend to change as they get older – it really is just a fact of life. If your man is suddenly changing his likes and dislikes regarding art, movies and more, however, you may be looking at a sign that your man is cheating.
This is especially true if he’s doing everything that he can to make sure that you don’t get to experience this change along with him.
5. He’s losing track of details
When a person starts cheating, the lies tend to start flying at the same time. Depending on how long the cheating has been going on, it may start to get more and more difficult to remember what he told you about exactly what happened when he left without you one night.
Do you remember him telling you that he was working late last Friday, but he insists that he told you he was out with his friends? You may be looking at a tell-tale sign that he’s cheating on you.
6. He suddenly demands privacy
When you’re in a serious, long-term relationship with somebody, the very definition of “privacy” tends to change. As a relationship gets more and more serious, a person may still want to keep things private – but that usually doesn’t mean keeping secrets from their spouse.
If your man suddenly starts demanding his privacy and especially if he tells you that he “just needs to be alone,” you’re probably looking at someone who is cheating.
7. His sexual preferences change overnight
If your partner is suddenly trying out new moves in bed or suddenly has these new tastes and preferences between the sheets that seem to come out of nowhere, you may be looking at one of the biggest warning signs that a person is cheating. When men start cheating, they tend to experience a huge rush of testosterone. This most commonly takes the form of a new level of confidence in bed.
Another thing to consider is that if your man is suddenly trying out new moves, it may be because he’s had some success using the very same techniques – with someone else.
8. He no longer wants to talk about money
Another one of the cornerstones of being in a relationship has to do with the amount of personal information that you share with one another – including your financial history. You probably know exactly what credit cards your man has and the balance that he owes on each – or at least you might think that you do.
If you suddenly find that your man is doing everything that he can to make sure that you never so much as lay an eye on those monthly credit card bills, you could be looking at a cheater without even realizing it.
9. He’s suddenly away from home for huge periods of time
Maybe your man told you that he just recently met some new friends at work and he wants to hang out with them on a regular basis. Maybe his existing group started a “video game” night or a “poker night” that is officially “no wives or girlfriends allowed.” Maybe he claims that he got a promotion at work and suddenly has a whole new level of responsibility.
Make no mistake – if your man suddenly finds every excuse under the sun to leave the house without you and that type of behavior wasn’t common before, he very well may be a cheater.
10. Social media and technology
If your man suddenly doesn’t want to be your friend on “Facebook,” opens a Twitter account that you know nothing about or generally doesn’t want you near his electronic devices, he may be cheating.
Under this point, he may be trying to cover his tracks using all of the advancements that modern technology has to offer. Be warned – this is a tell-tale sign that you’re looking at a cheater.
Obviously, the sudden realization that your man may be having an affair is disturbing. This point is particularly true if your guy has a history of cheating or if you have had a partner in the past who engaged in acts of infidelity.
While the tips here apply to straights and gays alike, you might want to take a look at this particular article for gay men specifically offering 10 signs your boyfriend may be cheating.
Some people find that by working with a relationship counselor on an individual basis, they are better able to understand what may be happening and ferret out potential paranoid thinking. Additionally, on one counseling can help you to identify any patterns in dating – particularly if you have a history of attracting men who don’t know how to keep it in their pants.