Am I too Clingy?
Do you ever wonder if you are too clingy? Do you sometimes find yourself falling for a guy too fast? When you become involved in a relationship, does it seem to take over every part of your being?
If this sounds familiar, your hunch about being clingy may be spot on. This is particularly true if you obsess over your men, causing you to become preoccupied and miserable. Paradoxically, your clinginess may be driving him away. When you think about it, people can only take so much smothering before they need to find an escape hatch.
So how can you really tell if you are too clingy? What kind of behaviors should you be aware of that may suggest a problem? What follows are 7 behaviors that may suggest you might be super clingy. Are you ready?
Let’s jump right in!
1. You fall in love too quickly
Love at First Sight is a beautiful idea emblazoned on everyone’s imagination by Hollywood’s unrealistic romantic comedies. And it can certainly happen – at least partially. What a wonderful feeling to be smitten with someone when you first meet them! It’s evidence of a spark to be sure – which is necessary when figuring out whether someone may be a good match.
But there’s a difference between being a good match and being the match. The former means chemistry while the latter can mean obsession.
If you fall in love too quickly then you don’t really love him – you love the idea of him. And if understand him to be the match then you are devastated if it ends.
2. You lose yourself?
It’s important and necessary that there be some interest in the other person’s interests and opinions. However, if you engage in any of the following it may be a sign that you are losing yourself, as opposed to sharing yourself.
- Saying yes when you mean no
- Changing your opinions about important matters like spirituality or politics
- Discarding or minimizing your hobbies in order to spend more time with him
- Throwing yourself into his favorite activities even though you have no interest in them
3. You are terrified of abandonment
When you develop strong feelings for someone, of course there’s some anxiety about losing him! No one likes the heartache when a relationship ends. But there’s a difference between disappointment and devastation.
Sometimes this anxiety hijacks your emotional life and you obsess about his whereabouts, worrying whether he’s hiding something. When you’re not together you start presuming that he’s with someone else and you feel empty and depressed. And when he plans a night to himself you think he’s avoiding you.
If he takes awhile to return your text it’s unbearable! Frantic and terrified of abandonment, you make yourself – and him – miserable.
4. You ditch your friends
It’s normal to focus heavily on him as the relationship becomes more and more central in your life. But there’s a difference between someone being central to your life, and someone being the only thing in your life.
Many people forget their friends, even ignoring invitations to do things and not responding to texts. Friends don’t appreciate this – and if the relationship happens to end, you will likely need their support. They are likely to feel like that they’re distant priorities in your life and it may be hard to rebuild those friendships.
5. You get big time jealous
It can certainly create anxiety knowing that he has friendships with women or chats with them in front of you at a social gathering. It’s normal to feel a little insecure or threatened.
However, insecurity does not necessarily translate to intense jealousy. Some think that jealousy proves that you care about someone. Much to the contrary, it can rob you of your life, agitate him and make you look desperate. It can also be evidence of low self esteem.
It’s important to be mindful regarding how he interacts with other women. This simply provides some evidence as to whether he can be trustworthy. And if he proves to be, then you will be more trusting over time. And as we all know, trust is the backbone of any relationship.
6. You snoop
With the advent of smart phones, the prevalence of texting and Facebook provide more opportunities than ever to snoop! And tempting! However, many men consider this a serious boundary violation. You may creep him out so he wants to run away.
It can also add to preoccupation and obsession. Some women discover that activities such as checking his phone become an addiction.
If you are constantly distracted or suspicious when you hear his cell phone beep or see him texting in front of you, you make yourself anxious and jumpy.
7. You are told you are too clingy
The final way you may know that you are too clingy is simply by being told. A remark like this could come from a friend, a relative or from a person you used to date. If there is a history of being called clingy by others, that is a fairly good indication you struggle with forming healthy attachments in personal, romantic relationships.
If you found yourself saying yes to one or more of these seven signs, it might be a good idea to educate yourself regarding obsession in relationships. One great resource to think about is the book, Confusing Love with Obsession by Dr. John Moore. Inside you fill find page after page of helpful insight on attachment styles in romantic relationships – including obsessive types.
In addition to the book mentioned above, you might want to stop by our page that is totally dedicated to codependency – a type of attachment style that causes much pain and heartache. You will find several resources there, including a checklist and video.