How to Talk to Boyfriend
Have you ever wondered what to talk about with your boyfriend? If so, you are not alone. As couples counselors and therapists, we can share with you that many of the clients who visit our Chicago offices come to us because they struggle with making small-talk on dates. In fact, communication problems are a major reason why people seek out relationship counseling in the first place. Let’s face it – dating someone exclusively takes a lot of work!
Because we know you are likely looking for some concrete ideas on what to talk about with your boyfriend, the specialists at Couples Counseling Center have joined forces to come up with a list of 5 topical areas for discussion that you might want to think about when hanging out with your man.
This list is by no means exhaustive but does offer some very real conversation starters for you to work from. Consider what follows as mental “jumping boards” – in other words, idea generators and topic starting points
Are you ready? Let’s jump right in!
1. Something Light
One of the best approaches you can take in talking with your boyfriend is to keep things light! Avoid the temptation of diving into heavy matters that are major turn offs to guys. These include needy questions like, “Do you love me?” or “Do I look pretty?” Instead, focus on things that are basic and fun and about him.
Here are a few ideas under this point in the form of questions:
- What was the best part of your day?
- What’s the highlight of your week going to be?
- Did you see that story in the newspaper today about (fill in blank)?
- Did you hear the latest tune by (fill in the blank)?
Not that we are stereotyping but most guys are competitive and therefore naturally attracted to sports. Why not use this knowledge to your advantage? One of the best ways to figure out what kinds of sports your man is into is through good old fashioned observation. Here are some questions for you to think about.
What sports shows does he watch on TV? Does he wear any particular sports clothing? Does your man stop what he is doing the moment a baseball or football team comes on radio? Pay attention to this! You will have to do your homework for this one.
Here are some conversation starters related to sports:
- How long have you been a fan of (fill in the team)?
- Who do you think is their best player?
- Who is the team’s worst player?
- Do you think they will clinch their division?
- Have you ever played (fill in the sport)?
3. Future Plans
Another great conversation starter for you and your boyfriend to talk about are his plans for the future. Guys love to talk about their goals and even their dreams! By focusing the conversation on what he hopes for in the future, you get the added benefit of increasing the amount of intimacy in your relationship.
On the flipside, you also create a dynamic where he will likely ask you about your hopes and dreams for the future. Now be mindful to not walk into any emotional mind fields that your man might be sensitive too, such as inquiring about plans for marriage and children. Yes – that kind of information is important but remember rule #1 – keep it light!
Here are some fun questions under this category:
- Do you see yourself earning a graduate degree?
- What do you think your life will look like 10-years from now?
- Do you see yourself living in another city in the future?
- What would be your dream job?
4. Family Matters
Another easy way to get your boyfriend to talk is to inquire about his family. This particular suggestion however, may require sensitivity. We say this because contrary to popular belief, not all boys are close to their dads or by extension, their mothers. We should know because of the amount of counseling we do here at the center around parent related matters! Still, if done properly, you may be able use his family relationships as a conduit for meaningful conversation.
Ask your boyfriend about what it was like growing up in his home. Does he have any brothers or sisters? What are their names? Are they older or younger? Is he closer to any one particular family member more than others? You see where we are going here.
Here are some more family questions to ask:
- Who had the most influence on you as a kid?
- What was your earliest memory?
- Which family member is your favorite?
- Did you have pets growing up?
5. Silly and Fun Stuff
Our final area for you to think about regarding what to talk about with your boyfriend comes from the world of the silly and absurd. Believe it or not, some of the most revealing conversations can start this way!
You will have to use your imagination a bit for this one but if you do it right, the payoff could be the twin benefits of (1) having fun with your boyfriend and (2) getting to know him on a deeper level. The trick here is to be creative and again – keep things light.
Here are a few silly questions to consider:
- Do you believe in astrology?
- If had 3 wishes, what would they be?
- Do you believe life exists on other planets?
- Do you believe in reincarnation?
- Which cartoon character is your favorite?
Summing Things Up
Talking to your boyfriend shouldn’t be a struggle. The reason many couples find themselves in therapy is because they fail to communicate with one another in a fun way on a regular basis. This is particularly true for folks who have been in a relationship for a long time or for couples who seem to have very little in common.