By: Couples Counseling Staff
Bad Boy Attraction
Do you find yourself attracted to guys from “the wrong side of town”? Are you weirdly drawn to men that have an element of danger about them? Have you identified a pattern in your dating where the guys you go out with are emotionally unavailable but at the same time, sexually magnetic?
If you answered yes to these questions, you likely have an addiction to bad boys. The picture we are using here is typical of many bad boys. Does “he” kind of look seem familiar to you? The dude has the quintessential bad boy look – grungy, tatted up and on a motorcycle.
Bad Boys Defined
Generally speaking, bad boys are guys that give off a mysterious vibe and are extra masculine. Most all of them have tattoos in some shape or form. They often are underemployed or unemployed, drink too much alcohol and sometimes do drugs.
Typically, bad boys live for the moment and avoid responsibility at all costs. They don’t like to be tied down and have learned to get by in life through any means possible. Strangely enough – these same men are often ridiculously good looking. Perhaps this is because much of their time is spent at the gym lifting weights.
In more cases than not, they are narcissistic in the clinical sense and are missing that “chip” that allows them to function in a caring way in the context of romantic relationships. What you can count on with a bad boy, paradoxically, is “bedroom time”. This may go back to their care-free lifestyle and ability to “get down” without feeling much pressure or anxiety. While this may be a real plus for some people, the reality is simply this – bad boys are not good dating material. But you already knew that – or did you?
What follows are seven signs that you may be addicted to men with a “bad boy” reputation. Some of these points may seem obvious while others will cause you to think. Read them all so you can full absorb their deeper meaning. Are you ready? Let’s jump right in!
1. You Allow Him To Have The Spotlight
Bad boys enjoy having people look up to them and will become angry or withdrawn if someone else seems to be getting the attention instead of themselves. If you seem to step back and allow him to get all of the glory, even if you were the one that did the work, then you may have an addiction to this type of person.
Bad boys thrive on taking credit for “good” things they had nothing to do with. They also have a penchant for running away when it comes to taking responsibility for “bad” things they have done.
2. You Try To Keep The Peace
If you find that your partner gets angry easily, you may try to cheer him up by doing whatever possible to make him get out of the bad mood. You will try giving extra affection or make a special meal in an attempt for him to stop his anger toward you. You will often apologize even though you didn’t do anything wrong to begin with.
Bad boys often need to be calmed down and attach themselves to people who can act as their scapegoat for personal problems. Sound familiar?
3. You Feel You Aren’t Being Yourself
If you feel like you are altering your moods in order to fit his in an attempt to keep him from being angry, you may have an addiction to someone. You should not have to pretend to be something you are not in order to keep someone else from being upset with you.
If you need to pretend you are happy all the time when what you really need is someone to listen or console you, you may be in a scary relationship – which is usually the case with bad boys. If your partner isn’t caring when you are upset and gets angry when you cry, you are more than likely attached to the classic bad boy (remember – it’s all about him!).
4. You Enjoy Being Controlled
Often someone with a bad boy image will tell his girlfriend or wife what to do in a lot of situations. Instead of asking questions, they will bark orders. If you willingly listen to commands, and really do not mind carrying them out, you may have a problematic relationship.
No one should be telling someone else how to do things all of the time. If you feel you never make your own choices, you are very likely involved with a bad boy who is an emotional abuser. Sadly, this is par for the course with this type of guy.
5. You Give Up Friends/Family For The Relationship
If your man gets upset when you want to spend time with your friends or family, and you end up cancelling plans a lot in order to appease his feelings about it, you may be in a bad boy relationship. You should not need to give up your other relationships in order to stay with a guy.
He may make you feel guilty for wanting to spend time with someone other than himself, and you will drop the other people in order to appease him. This is not fair to you or to the other parties. The only winner here is the bad boy. A primary objective for bad boys is to get you hooked on them; making you codependent.
6. You Don’t Trust Him
A bad boy will lie to your face while smiling, but you will always feel like there is something he is hiding. If you fear he is doing something behind your back that you would not approve of, such as illegal drugs, excessive drinking, or cheating, you may be in an addictive relationship.
Most people would drop someone who they don’t trust. If your man other acts suspiciously, they are most likely up to something. Make sure you listen to that inner voice. If you see them hiding their phone or talking low to someone on a phone call, there is probably a reason why.
7. You Make Excuses For His Behavior
If you tell other people your man is tired or sick when he does something questionable to others, you are enabling him to continue the behavior. Making excuses for someone is a telltale sign there is an underlying problem. This is particularly true when it comes to bad boys.
Remember, these types of guys are irresponsible for the most part and think only of themselves. Because they do not realize their behaviors and actions are abrasive and offensive, they don’t apologize. As a way of compensating for their crap, you end up creating excuses to others about why they are the way they are.
Bad Boy Resources
If you feel that some of the above points mentioned above pertain to your situation, you may benefit from special counseling to determine why you keep returning to relationships with men who are simply incapable of functioning in a loving, committed way.
If individual counseling isn’t possible for you right now, you might want to pick up a copy of the book, Thug Love: Why Women are Attracted to Bad Boys by Dr. Raymond Petty.
Inside, you will find lots of practical insight that is designed to assist you with identifying unhealthy dating patterns while helping you break free from your addiction to emotionally unavailable men. It’s a straight forward read that might be just the resource you are looking for! We hope you found this post useful.
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