New Relationships: Tips and Advice
Are you looking for some new relationship advice because you recently started dating someone? Have things started to heat up, taking a turn for the serious? Did your recent engagement make you think about potential problems future? If you said yes to any of these questions, you are not alone.
Thousands of people visit the Couples Counseling Center each month with the hope of finding practical answers to common relationship questions.
1. Not dealing with debt
When you do not deal with debt, you let something that could potentially blow up in your face linger. Couples fight about debt all the time and money will always be a big issue when it comes to anger and negativity. Money is hardly ever positive, and not communicating effectively about it just makes matters worse. Both parties in the relationship need to be honest about their finances.
Both people in the relationship must be transparent about finances if success is to be achieved for the long term. This means being honest about FICO scores, spending patterns and debt. Not talking about money is one of the main factors of why relationships fail; the sooner you realize that money is just as important as anything else, the better off you will be.
2. Abandoning friends
Friendships are important. They sustain us during the good times and the bad. Many couples make the major mistake of abandoning friendships once they enter into a new relationship or get married. This is a major relationship no-no. The reason is simple – without friendships, you have no outlet to emotionally discharge your feelings. You also run the risk of losing your sense of individuality, which is a major reason couples split.
Friendships also help with emotional balance, meaning they serve as outlets for sharing so that one party in the relationship does not become emotionally dependent on the other and helps to prevent codependency. You may dislike your boyfriend’s buddies and he may dislike your girlfriends however, this is no excuse to cut ties. You will need these friendships for the long term.
3. Not making love often
Although this may be taboo to some, not having enough sex can be a big problem over the long term. Making love is an important expression of closeness and intimacy. There is nothing to be ashamed of when it comes to exploring each other’s bodies and finding out what the other loves physically. Ignoring this aspect of a relationship is a vital mistake and creates atrophy. Reaching for an open relationship may seem like a good remedy but more often than not, it’s a bad idea.
4.Letting yourself go
It’s like this – when people get involved in a new relationship, they often let themselves go. Here we are talking about personal appearance and weight gain. The reason letting yourself go in a relationship is a bad idea relates to two specific areas: 1. Self-esteem and; 2. Level of attraction.
First, when you skip your fitness program because you are with someone, you are running the risk of damaging your self-esteem over the course of time. The sudden realization that you have a muffin top may cause you to hide your body from your mate, which in turn can reduce intimacy. Second, when you let yourself go you become less attractive to your mate. This may sound harsh and even politically incorrect but it is absolutely true. While it’s normal to not focus on your appearance as much as you once did when you were single, this is no excuse to completely let yourself go.
5. Outlawing the in-laws
Let’s me real – sometimes outlaws can be a caustic force in a new relationship. This is particularly true if your boyfriend’s mom is a total control freak or your girlfriend’s sister is a clingy basket case. Part of the reality of being in a romantic relationship means having to deal with overbearing in-laws.
Many couples find that they are unable to handle family influences and decide to outlaw the in-laws. While this may seem like an attractive remedy, it can cause problems over the long term. Eventually one or both of you will become resentful. This can cause a “blame game” fight to erupt and plant the seeds for a potential break-up. Rather than outlawing the in-laws, try to create healthy boundaries around communications and interactions. Sometimes, working with a couples therapist can help in this area.
6. Crazy fighting
Disagreements are going to happen in relationships from time to time. How a new couple goes about handling those disagreements is the where most problems can be found. You should never let a disagreement turn into a name-calling match and it goes without saying that arguments should never turn physical.
If you are in a heated argument, the both of you need to be ready to call a time out. Find different ways of cooling off and revisit the topic later on. If you have a pattern of ugly, crazy fighting in your relationship that makes more days than not miserable, the chances of your relationship lasting long term are minimal at best. Some people find they have pulled in baggage from previous relationships into their current ones. If this is the case for you, consider going to individual relationship counseling to work out the issues.
7. Baby obsessed
When you have been in a relationship for a while, you may long to have a child. While this is a perfectly natural desire, it is important that you not become baby obsessed. Most couples want to start a family at some point don’t try to force it. Just remember that it takes two people to make a child, and when the time is right it will happen.
This is not to say planning should not take place. It is always better to examine your baby readiness. Here, we are talking about finances, availability to care for your baby and so forth. The problem for many couples however is that they pursue the end goal of having a child without giving careful consideration to all that is involved in child rearing.
Being in a new relationship can be a wonderful thing. This should be one of the most enjoyable and rewarding times in your life. That you came here looking for new relationship advice speaks to the commitment you have to your relationship and your desire to create something that will last for the long term. We hope you found these 7 tips useful!