Benefits of Marriage Counseling
By: Couples Counseling Chicago
Many married couples in distress feel there is no way to address their problems. Often times people in troubled relationships assume their partners will never change and those with problematic habits of thought do not see how they can choose to behave differently.
Recent research by Lisa Benson, Meghan McGinn, and Andrew Christensen of UCLA has distilled decades of data into a survey of the most effective counseling methods available to couples- whether they are in distressed relationships or not.
The evidence-based approaches they have chosen to highlight are believed to hold keys to effective therapy. They amount to five critical strategies counselors can use in their practices.
1 Changing Perspectives
By altering the way the relationship is viewed by the couple, mindfulness with an eye towards positive change is possible. Through learning that the current state of the relationship is Dependant on situational factors- that it is the product of its environment- couples can often learn that blaming their partner is not helpful, or honest.
By obtaining an alternative view as part of the marriage counseling process, they can adopt new strategies- strategies that differ from the ones that put their relationship into distress in the first place. While this approach does not guarantee the couple will find a favorable new outlook on the relationship, it can- at least- help them discover the method of perspective changing.
2 Improved Communications
One of the “Three C’s” of healthy intimacy, communication is critical to all relationships. All couples therapies that are effective place a high value on honest, accurate, and non-abusive communication. Through cognitive therapy, couples are able to learn the damaging effects of ridiculing or otherwise abusing their partners.
Couples learn the importance of listening fully, and to digest what a spouse has said before responding. Many ineffective and harmful communications come from the assumption that we know what the other person is going to say, and jumping to negative conclusions.
Couples with long histories of harmful criticism often need to use a strategy different to those recommended for couples whose problems stem from avoiding conflict.
3 Reduce Emotional Violence
Couples who refuse to share their private feelings, are incapable of doing so, or experience difficulty doing so are at risk for visiting emotional violence on one another. Couples so disposed often fall prey to acute feelings of helplessness in their situations and can benefit greatly from attachment-based therapies.
These treatments help partners to develop closer emotional bonds to one another, bonds of the sort that distant parents or previous abuse have made difficult to develop.
Behavioral based therapies may be used for emotionally stifled partners where couples can learn through conditioning that expressing their feelings to their partner comes with certain rewards. Over time partners can learn to abandon their inhibitions toward communicating in a healthy and honest way with one another.
4 Modify Dysfunctional Coping Strategies
Couples therapists that are effective, are able to alter the ways in which partners behave when they are together. In addition to helping them improve their interactions, counselors must also try to ensure couples are not engaging in violent or abusive behavior. Therapists perform a careful assessment to determine whether or not clients may be at risk.
If needed, the therapist can recommend that one partner, or the other, be referred to a domestic violence shelter, anger management, or a drug abuse treatment program. When a counselor determines that there is a risk, but not a severe risk, he or she may attempt to help them develop time-out strategies to de-escalate a conflict.
5 Build on Strengths
Just like with any learning situation there must be the reinforcement of positive gains. In marriage counseling, this can be done by pointing out the strengths of the relationship throughout the therapy, but particularly toward the end of therapy. By helping couples to recognize the things they are doing well, which are healthy and are helping them the therapist can enhance and bolster these healthy habits and build resiliency into the relationship.
Since so much focus tends to be placed on the deficiencies in a relationship, it can be all too easy to lose sight of what the couple does well. This can lead to partners slipping into learned helplessness if it goes too far. Pointing out strengths enhances each partner individually as well as the relationship that exists between them.
Taking these five therapeutic strategies into account, couples can get a good idea of how counseling can improve their lives in ways they may never have thought of before. Just learning of the benefits that are possible can sometimes put a couple well onto the path toward a better, longer and more loving life together.
