My Partner Won’t Go To Therapy?

If you’re Googling “my partner won’t go to therapy” or “relationship counseling for resistant partner,” you’re not alone—and you’re definitely not the only one feeling stuck. At Couples Counseling Center in Chicago, we often hear from people who are emotionally exhausted from trying to get their significant other to agree to couples therapy. You know something isn’t working, you want help, but they just won’t come along for the ride.

This situation is more common than you think, especially in relationships where one partner tends to avoid conflict or dismiss emotional needs. So what can you do when your partner refuses therapy—but the relationship still desperately needs help?

Let’s break it down, and explore what options are available even when one half of the couple is resistant to change.

First, Why Won’t They Go?

There are many reasons people avoid relationship counseling:

Fear of blame or judgment
Stigma around mental health or therapy
Belief that “things aren’t that bad”
Discomfort with vulnerability
A history of trauma or poor experiences in therapy
Avoidance of deeper issues they’d rather not face

At our practice serving Lakeview, Lincoln Park, Gold Coast, and Andersonville, we often find that resistance is not just about therapy itself—it’s about fear. Fear of opening up. Fear of being wrong. Fear of losing control.

Understanding the why behind your partner’s resistance is the first step in changing the dynamic.

Don’t Force It—Invite Instead

Trying to convince or pressure your partner into therapy can backfire. It often reinforces their resistance and makes therapy feel like punishment.

Instead of saying, “You need therapy,” try reframing it:

“I’m struggling, and I think having a therapist help us talk would make a big difference.”
“This isn’t about who’s right or wrong—I just want us to feel more connected again.”
“Would you be open to trying just one session with me?”

When you make therapy about the relationship—not about their flaws—you shift the conversation from confrontation to collaboration.

Start with Individual Therapy

If your partner won’t go, that doesn’t mean you’re powerless. In fact, starting individual counseling can be one of the most effective first steps.

You might ask, “But how can I fix things if we are the problem?”

Here’s the truth: relationships are systems. When one person changes their communication style, boundaries, or emotional responses, the system often adjusts. You may begin to feel more confident, less reactive, and more grounded in what you want—and that alone can shift the tone of the relationship.

Many clients who start therapy alone later report that their partners become more open to couples counseling after seeing the personal growth and emotional clarity that comes from it.

Address the Real Concerns

Sometimes a partner resists therapy because they assume it’ll be two-against-one, or that the therapist will side with you.

Let them know that couples counseling at Couples Counseling Center is not about blame. It’s about understanding each person’s experience, communication styles, and emotional needs. We often tell new clients: “We don’t take sides—we take the side of the relationship.”

You can also encourage your partner to browse our therapist bios or even email us with questions. Sometimes the resistance softens when they feel they have a choice in who they’d work with.

Try a “One and Done” Agreement

Ask your partner to agree to just one session. That’s it. Framing therapy as an experiment rather than a commitment can make it feel less intimidating.

Many people who agree to “just one session” end up coming back because they realize:

It’s not as uncomfortable as they expected
The therapist actually listens to both sides
They feel heard in a new way
You both start to understand patterns more clearly

A successful first session can plant the seeds for more meaningful work down the line.

Set Boundaries and Expectations

It’s also okay to say, “I need us to work on this. If you’re unwilling, I’ll need to consider how that affects our future.”

That’s not an ultimatum—it’s a boundary.

If your emotional needs are not being met and your partner won’t explore change, it’s okay to reflect on what that means for your wellbeing. A relationship cannot thrive if only one person is willing to do the work.

In our couples therapy sessions in Chicago, we help clients talk through these difficult boundaries in a respectful, compassionate way.

Therapy Isn’t Just for “Broken” Relationships

Many people think couples counseling is only for relationships on the brink of collapse. That couldn’t be further from the truth. Therapy is for any couple who wants to strengthen their connection, improve communication, or navigate a life transition—whether you’re in the honeymoon phase or 20 years deep.

At our offices in Lakeview, Lincoln Park, Gold Coast, and Andersonville, we work with all kinds of couples: dating, married, LGBTQ+, polyamorous, newly cohabiting—you name it. The goal is always the same: healthier connection, better tools, and greater emotional intimacy.

You’re Not Alone—And You’re Not Helpless

If you’re struggling with a relationship counseling for resistant partner dynamic, know that it doesn’t mean the end of the road. Many couples start with one partner showing up—and that’s enough to begin creating change.

At Couples Counseling Center, we believe it only takes one person to start a new pattern. We’ve helped countless individuals and couples navigate resistance, rebuild trust, and move forward with greater clarity and compassion.

Ready to Start?

Whether you’re looking for individual therapy or hoping your partner will eventually join you, we’re here to support you. Schedule a free consultation with one of our therapists today and take the first step toward creating the relationship you deserve.

We offer both in-person sessions in Lakeview and online therapy for couples across Chicago and throughout Illinois.

Change starts with one step. Let’s take it together.