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Know the Marriage Warning Signs
Dr. John D. Moore
Chances are you stumbled upon this article because you are concerned about the state of your marriage. With a national divorce rate floating around 50%, it can be a scary prospect to think that your relationship could become a statistic.
Wouldn’t it be great to know the early warning signs of more potentially serious problems before they take hold? If you knew these signs, would you take steps to create positive change? If you love your spouse, the answer is probably yes.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_raw_html]JTNDY2VudGVyJTNFJTNDY2VudGVyJTNFJTNDc2NyaXB0JTIwYXN5bmMlMjBzcmMlM0QlMjIlMkYlMkZwYWdlYWQyLmdvb2dsZXN5bmRpY2F0aW9uLmNvbSUyRnBhZ2VhZCUyRmpzJTJGYWRzYnlnb29nbGUuanMlMjIlM0UlM0MlMkZzY3JpcHQlM0UlMEElM0MlMjEtLSUyMENDQyUyME1vYmlsZSUyMFJlc3BvbnNpdmUlMjAtLSUzRSUwQSUzQ2lucyUyMGNsYXNzJTNEJTIyYWRzYnlnb29nbGUlMjIlMEElMjAlMjAlMjAlMjAlMjBzdHlsZSUzRCUyMmRpc3BsYXklM0FpbmxpbmUtYmxvY2slM0J3aWR0aCUzQTMwMHB4JTNCaGVpZ2h0JTNBMjUwcHglMjIlMEElMjAlMjAlMjAlMjAlMjBkYXRhLWFkLWNsaWVudCUzRCUyMmNhLXB1Yi0wMDc1NzIyOTk4MjE4NDIyJTIyJTBBJTIwJTIwJTIwJTIwJTIwZGF0YS1hZC1zbG90JTNEJTIyODYxOTE1MTYzOSUyMiUzRSUzQyUyRmlucyUzRSUwQSUzQ3NjcmlwdCUzRSUwQSUyOGFkc2J5Z29vZ2xlJTIwJTNEJTIwd2luZG93LmFkc2J5Z29vZ2xlJTIwJTdDJTdDJTIwJTVCJTVEJTI5LnB1c2glMjglN0IlN0QlMjklM0IlMEElM0MlMkZzY3JpcHQlM0UlM0MlMkZjZW50ZXIlM0UlM0MlMkZjZW50ZXIlM0U=[/vc_raw_html][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]Here at Couples Counseling Center in Chicago, the topic of early warning signs that a marriage may be headed towards divorce comes up often with clients.
As couples therapists, we try to help folks who visit us recognize these warning signs so that steps can be taken in the here and now to prevent relational disaster in the future.
What follows are 10 red flags that your marriage may be in trouble that you can’t ignore. Some of these signs may seem obvious while others will require that you do some deeper thinking. Read them all in order to fully absorb their deeper meaning.
Are you ready? Let’s jump right in![/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_single_image image=”3468″ img_size=”large” alignment=”center” title=”10 Marriage Problem Red Flags”][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]
1 You are keeping a scorecard
At one point, you gave time energy and effort freely to the relationship from a place of genuine love. Fast forward to the present where you are now keeping tabs on how much you contribute in comparison of what is being given back in return. Feelings of resentment may be a strong part of the dynamic.
2 You no longer consult your mate
When things were going well, it was common for you to seek advice and consultation about important issues impacting the both of you. Example: Talking to your spouse about work problems or family issues. Now, you keep these issues to yourself and make important decisions on your own.
3 Sex is infrequent and feels robotic
In the beginning of your marriage, spending time together in the bedroom used to be something the both of you looked forward to. Now, intimate closeness has all but evaporated. When sex does happen, it feels robotic and disconnected. It’s note love making anymore.
4 You are getting that roommate vibe
In healthy marriages, couples make decisions as a team. To a greater or lesser degree, they work in tandem to achieve various goals. If you and your spouse no longer act as a cohesive unit and it feels like you are more like roomies than lovers, consider this a serious red flag.
5 You purposely press buttons
If you have been with mate for a long period of time, you likely know exactly which buttons to press in order to cause emotional pain or discomfort. Couples who end up getting divorced often look back and recognize that intentional button pressing just to get “digs in” was an early warning sign of trouble to come.
6 You are giving the silent treatment
This sign is pretty straight forward. If you are avoiding meaningful dialog with your mate about relationship problems and instead ,“punish” your spouse by engaging in the silent treatment, it is important to recognize the serious damage being done to your marriage.
7 You are engaged in emotional cheating
If you have arrived in a place where you are getting your emotional needs met by someone other than your spouse – particularly when it comes to emotional intimacy, this needs to be considered a super serious warning sign. There is a difference between physical infidelity and emotional infidelity. Do you know the differences?
8 Technology is acting as a roadblock
Once a couple settles into their marriage, it’s only natural to get into a routine. But if one or both of you are spending more time focusing on your electronic devices – particularly during times of closeness – something is terribly wrong. Read our post on how technology may be acting as a roadblock in your relationship.
9 Threats of separation or divorce
We all say things in the heat of the moment that we later regret. That’s why it’s important to take emotional time outs. But if one or both of you have been reaching for words like “separation” or “divorce” on an increasing basis, it is important to see this as a bright red flag. At some point, words may very well turn into action.
10 You are emotionally checked out
This warning sign is perhaps the most serious of all. If you are feeling disconnected from your spouse and have emotionally “checked out” of the relationship, there is a good chance splitsville is on the horizon. This is particularly true if you are using alcohol, drugs or other substances to zone out because you are having a hard time being around your mate.
Final Thoughts
When people get married, they often buy into several common marriage myths as part of the process. Some of this is to be expected because many of us have been inculcated to believe that getting married is supposed to have “…and they lived happily ever after” narrative.
If only this were true.
The reality is that successful marriages take a lot of work. This means both parties in the relationship make the active decision to identify issues (aka troublesome behaviors) before they become serious problems.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_raw_html]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[/vc_raw_html][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]One of the best ways to prevent problems from happening in the first place is to educate yourself on the traits of successful marriages. A great resource to consider is the book: The 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman, PhD.
Inside, you will page after page of useful insight on the entire topic of marriage. What’s great about this read is the practical, easy to understand advice that is designed to promote harmony and greater relational satisfaction.
Finally, if any of the 10 points mentioned here resonated with you, it might be a good time to think about marriage counseling. If you are in Chicago, you can learn more about couples/marriage therapy by visiting our page.
If you are outside of the Chicago, consider looking for a couples therapist to help you with your relationship needs. Make sure you read our Ultimate Guide to Couples Counseling.
Thanks for stopping by. If you found this material useful, please Like on Facebook, Circle on Google Plus or Share on Twitter![/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_raw_html]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[/vc_raw_html][/vc_column][/vc_row]
