Breakup Therapy in Chicago
You’re Not Broken. You’re Heartbroken. And That’s Different.
Compassionate Support for Healing After a Breakup
📞 Call: 773.598.7797
That Hollow Feeling in Your Chest? We Know It.
It’s 3 AM again. You’re staring at the ceiling, replaying every conversation, every moment, wondering what you could have done differently. Your phone feels heavy in your hand—part of you wants to text them, the other part knows you shouldn’t.
The person who knew your coffee order, who you texted first with good news, who made you laugh until your sides hurt—they’re just… gone. And now you’re supposed to what? Just keep going to work? Smile at social gatherings? Pretend like you’re not walking around with a gaping hole where your heart used to be?
The pain you’re feeling isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s a sign that you loved deeply, that you invested yourself fully, that you’re human. And while right now it feels like this ache will never end, you don’t have to navigate this alone.
At Couples Counseling Chicago, we specialize in helping people in the midst of heartbreak—the kind of pain that makes it hard to concentrate at work, hard to sleep at night, hard to imagine ever feeling whole again. We’re relationship counselors in Chicago’s Lakeview neighborhood serving the entire metropolitan area, and we understand that breakup recovery isn’t just about “moving on”—it’s about healing, growing, and eventually finding yourself again.
What Breakup Pain Really Looks Like
If you’re reading this, you’re probably experiencing some—or many—of these symptoms. And we want you to know: every single one of these is normal.
Can’t fall asleep because your mind won’t stop racing, or you’re sleeping 12 hours a day because it’s the only escape.
Food has no taste. Or you’re stress-eating everything in sight. Either way, your relationship with food is off.
You read the same paragraph five times and still don’t know what it says. Concentration feels impossible.
One minute you’re angry, the next you’re sobbing, then you feel nothing at all. Your emotions are everywhere.
Your friends want to help, but you’re exhausted from pretending you’re okay. Isolation feels easier.
You can’t stop checking their social media. You analyze every text. You replay the relationship like a movie on repeat.
Things you used to love—the gym, your hobbies, going out—feel pointless now.
That actual, physical ache in your chest. The knot in your stomach. Headaches. Your body is processing grief too.
The “if only I had…” thoughts are relentless. You’re second-guessing everything you did or didn’t do.
“Will I ever find someone again?” “Am I too old to start over?” “What if they were ‘the one’ and I let them go?”
There’s a void where they used to be, and you don’t know how to fill it.
You built your life around “us,” and now you don’t know who “you” are anymore.
if you’re worried you’re never going to feel normal again, if you’re scared that this pain is your new permanent state—that’s exactly when therapy can help most.
The Thought Loops That Keep You Stuck
On top of all the physical and emotional symptoms, there are the thoughts. God, the thoughts. They play on repeat like a broken record, and you can’t seem to turn them off:
- “If only I had done things differently…” – You replay every argument, every choice, convinced you could have prevented this.
- “I’m never going to find someone like them again…” – The fear that you’ve lost your one shot at love.
- “Everyone else is moving on with their lives, and I’m stuck here…” – Watching friends get engaged, coupled friends doing couple things, feeling left behind.
- “I’m too old to start over now…” – Whether you’re 25 or 55, the fear of returning to dating feels overwhelming.
- “Maybe I’m the problem. Maybe I’m unlovable…” – Your self-worth has taken a massive hit, and you’re questioning everything about yourself.
- “They’ve probably already moved on. Maybe they never really cared…” – The torturous wondering about what they’re doing, how they’re feeling, if they’re hurting too.
- “Now I have to go back to dating apps…” – The thought of starting from scratch, explaining your story to strangers, feels exhausting.
- “I wasted so many years on this relationship…” – The grief isn’t just for the person—it’s for the time, the plans, the future you thought you’d have.
These thoughts aren’t just annoying—they’re paralyzing. They keep you stuck in a loop of pain, preventing you from moving forward. And this is precisely where breakup therapy becomes invaluable.
What Actually Happens in Breakup Therapy in Chicago
You might be wondering: “Can therapy really help with this?” Or maybe you’re thinking, “I should be able to handle this on my own.” Let us be clear: seeking help after a breakup isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s a sign of wisdom.
Here’s what breakup therapy with our Chicago counselors actually looks like:
1. A Safe Space to Actually Feel Your Feelings
Unlike your friends who might be tired of hearing about it, or your family who wants you to “just move on already,” therapy provides a judgment-free zone where you can:
- Cry without feeling like you’re burdening anyone
- Express anger without being told you’re overreacting
- Voice your fears without being shut down with platitudes
- Process the same painful moments as many times as you need to
- Sit with the discomfort without someone rushing to “fix” you
Your therapist won’t judge you for texting your ex at 2 AM, for checking their Instagram, or for feeling devastated months after the breakup “should” be over. There is no timeline for grief.
2. Understanding What Really Happened (Beyond the Surface Story)
Most breakups have layers. What you think caused the breakup might only be the surface issue. In therapy, we’ll help you:
- Identify patterns in your relationship that contributed to its end
- Understand your attachment style and how it showed up in the relationship
- Recognize any unhealthy dynamics that you might want to avoid in the future
- Separate what was genuinely your responsibility from what wasn’t
- Gain clarity on whether the relationship truly served you (even if you loved them deeply)
This isn’t about assigning blame—it’s about gaining insight that will help you in future relationships.
3. Breaking Free from Destructive Thought Patterns
Using evidence-based approaches like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), we help you identify and challenge the thoughts that are keeping you stuck:
- Catastrophizing: “I’ll never find love again” → “This hurts now, but I’ve been attracted to people before, and I will be again”
- All-or-nothing thinking: “The relationship was perfect” → “There were good parts and challenging parts, like any relationship”
- Personalization: “I ruined everything” → “The relationship ended for multiple reasons, many of which were outside my control”
- Mind reading: “They never really loved me” → “I can’t actually know what they felt, and torturing myself with assumptions won’t help”
These cognitive distortions are incredibly common after a breakup, and they keep you trapped in pain. We’ll teach you to recognize them and replace them with more balanced, realistic thoughts.
4. Rebuilding Your Sense of Self
Breakups often trigger an identity crisis, especially if you were in a long-term relationship. We’ll work together on:
- Reconnecting with who you were before the relationship – What did you love to do? What made you feel alive?
- Clarifying your values – What actually matters to you in life and in relationships?
- Setting boundaries – Learning to protect your emotional energy (including deciding on no-contact rules if appropriate)
- Rebuilding self-confidence – Addressing the blow to your self-esteem that breakups inevitably cause
- Rediscovering your strengths – Reminding you of the qualities that make you valuable, worthy, and whole—with or without a partner
“I was completely lost after my five-year relationship ended. I didn’t know who I was without him. My therapist at Couples Counseling Chicago helped me remember that I was a whole person before him, and I could be a whole person again. Six months later, I genuinely like who I’m becoming.”
— Sarah, 32, Lincoln Park
5. Developing Practical Coping Strategies
While processing emotions is crucial, you also need tools to get through the day-to-day. We’ll equip you with:
- Mindfulness techniques to calm your nervous system when anxiety spikes
- Distress tolerance skills for moments when the urge to text them feels unbearable
- Self-care routines that actually work (not just “take a bubble bath” platitudes)
- Social support strategies to help you reengage with friends and family when you’re ready
- Healthy distraction methods that give your brain a break from rumination
- Exercise and nutrition guidance to support your mental health through physical wellness
6. Preparing for Future Relationships (When You’re Ready)
Eventually—and there’s no rush—we’ll start looking forward:
- What do you want in your next relationship that was missing in this one?
- What red flags will you watch for?
- How will you communicate your needs more effectively?
- What boundaries will you set from the beginning?
- How will you maintain your identity within a relationship?
The goal isn’t just to “get over” this breakup—it’s to grow from it, so your next relationship can be even healthier and more fulfilling.
Breakup Therapy for All Relationships
Heartbreak doesn’t discriminate. Whether you’re straight, gay, bisexual, transgender, or anywhere on the spectrum, the pain of losing someone you love cuts just as deep.
At Couples Counseling Chicago, we provide affirming, inclusive therapy for all individuals navigating breakups. Our therapists have specialized training in working with LGBTQ+ individuals and couples, and we understand the unique challenges that can come with relationship endings in the queer community:
- Navigating breakups in smaller, interconnected LGBTQ+ social circles
- Dealing with lack of social recognition for non-traditional relationships
- Processing internalized homophobia or transphobia that may have affected the relationship
- Managing family dynamics when your relationship wasn’t accepted or acknowledged
- Addressing coming out issues that may have contributed to the breakup
- Working through trauma-informed care if discrimination played a role in relationship stress
You deserve a therapist who sees you, understands your experience, and creates a space where you can be completely yourself as you heal.
Our Approach to Breakup Recovery
At Couples Counseling Chicago, we combine evidence-based therapeutic techniques with genuine compassion. Our approach includes:
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
CBT helps you identify and change the destructive thought patterns that keep you stuck in pain. We’ll work on recognizing cognitive distortions, challenging negative beliefs about yourself and your future, and developing healthier ways of thinking about the breakup and what comes next.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
Rather than fighting against painful emotions, ACT teaches you to accept them as part of the human experience while committing to actions aligned with your values. This approach helps you move forward even while still processing grief.
Emotionally Focused Therapy Principles
Understanding your attachment style and how it showed up in your relationship can be transformative. We’ll explore your attachment patterns and help you develop a more secure sense of self that will benefit all your future relationships.
Mindfulness and Self-Compassion Work
We’ll teach you to be present with your pain without being overwhelmed by it, and to treat yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a good friend going through a breakup.
Grief Processing
A breakup is a loss, and it requires genuine grief work. We’ll honor your need to mourn what you’ve lost while gradually helping you open to what might be possible in the future.
How to Get Started with Breakup Therapy in Chicago
Taking the first step toward healing can feel daunting, especially when you’re already emotionally exhausted. We’ve made it as simple as possible:
Reach Out
Call us at 773.598.7797 or fill out our confidential contact form. We know making that first call is hard, so we’ll make the rest easy.
Free Consultation
We’ll schedule a brief, no-pressure consultation to hear your story, answer your questions, and match you with the right therapist for your needs.
Begin Healing
Your first session is about getting to know each other and starting to process what you’re going through. You don’t need to have it all figured out—just show up as you are.
We offer both in-person sessions at our Lakeview office and secure telehealth appointments throughout Illinois. Choose whatever feels most comfortable for you.