The Relationship Report Card: How to Assess Your Relationship Health (Free Assessment Included)

When was the last time you and your partner took an honest look at the health of your relationship? Most couples wait until they’re in crisis before assessing where things stand. But just as you wouldn’t wait for a heart attack to check your cholesterol, you don’t need to wait for a relationship crisis to evaluate your partnership’s wellbeing.

A relationship report card offers a structured, non-threatening way to gauge the overall health of your romantic partnership. At Couples Counseling Chicago, we’ve worked with thousands of couples over the nearly 20-years, and we’ve found that regular relationship assessments can be transformative—whether you’re thriving and want to stay that way, or you’re struggling and need a roadmap for improvement.

What Is a Relationship Report Card?

A relationship report card is a self-assessment tool designed to help individuals and couples evaluate key areas of their romantic relationship. Unlike clinical diagnostic tools used by therapists, a relationship report card is an informal snapshot that measures satisfaction and functioning across the fundamental pillars of healthy partnerships.

Think of it as an annual checkup for your relationship. Just as you visit your doctor for preventive care, a relationship report card helps you identify strengths to celebrate and areas that might need attention before they become serious problems. Many married couples use this tool as part of entering marriage therapy (aka marriage counseling).

Important disclaimer: A relationship report card is not a diagnostic instrument, clinical evaluation, or scientific measurement of relationship health. It’s an educational tool designed for self-reflection and conversation-starting purposes. Results should not be interpreted as professional advice or a substitute for couples counseling or individual therapy.

Why Should You Assess Your Relationship?

Many people question whether their relationship needs assessment, especially if things seem “fine.” But research consistently shows that the healthiest relationships are those where partners actively maintain and nurture their connection rather than taking it for granted.

Here’s why regular relationship assessment matters:

Early Problem Detection: Small issues become big problems when left unaddressed. A relationship report card can help you identify concerns while they’re still manageable. Perhaps you’ve noticed communication has become more transactional lately, or physical intimacy has decreased. Naming these patterns early creates opportunity for course correction before resentment builds.

Celebrating Strengths: Assessment isn’t just about finding problems—it’s also about recognizing what’s working well. When you identify the areas where your relationship excels, you can consciously maintain and build on those strengths. Maybe you discover that your conflict resolution skills are excellent, even if other areas need work. That’s valuable information.

Creating Shared Language: Many couples struggle to talk about relationship issues because they lack vocabulary for what they’re experiencing. A structured assessment provides language and categories that make difficult conversations easier. Instead of vague complaints like “things just don’t feel right,” you can say “I think we need to work on our emotional intimacy.”

Tracking Progress: If you’ve been in couples therapy or working on specific relationship goals, periodic assessments help you measure progress objectively. You can see concrete evidence of improvement, which motivates continued effort.

Preventing Complacency: Long-term relationships can slip into autopilot mode. Regular check-ins ensure you’re both intentionally investing in the partnership rather than just coasting. The simple act of completing an assessment together signals “this relationship matters enough to tend to it.”

The 6 Key Areas of Relationship Health

Research in relationship psychology has identified several core dimensions that predict relationship satisfaction and longevity. A comprehensive relationship report card evaluates each of these areas:

1. Communication

Communication is the foundation of every healthy relationship. This dimension assesses both the frequency and quality of your conversations. Do you have meaningful exchanges beyond coordinating schedules? Can you discuss difficult topics without shutting down or attacking each other? Do you feel heard and understood by your partner?

Healthy communication includes active listening, expressing needs clearly, showing empathy, and managing emotional reactions during difficult discussions. Couples with strong communication skills report higher relationship satisfaction and are better equipped to navigate life’s challenges together.

Red flags in this area include chronic misunderstandings, feeling like you’re walking on eggshells, frequent interrupting, dismissiveness, or the sense that you and your partner speak different languages.

2. Intimacy & Connection

Intimacy encompasses both physical and emotional closeness. This dimension evaluates sexual satisfaction, non-sexual physical affection, emotional vulnerability, and the overall sense of being known and accepted by your partner.

Many couples notice intimacy naturally waxes and wanes with life circumstances—new babies, job stress, health issues. However, prolonged disconnection deserves attention. Do you still make time for each other? Do you share thoughts and feelings beyond surface-level updates? Is your physical relationship satisfying to both partners?

It’s worth noting that intimacy challenges often reflect other relationship issues. When communication breaks down or trust is damaged, intimacy typically suffers as a result.

3. Trust & Security

Trust is the confidence that your partner has your best interests at heart and will be there for you. Security is the feeling that your relationship is stable and your commitment is mutual.

This dimension assesses whether you trust your partner’s fidelity, honesty, and reliability. Can you be vulnerable without fear of judgment or betrayal? Do you feel secure in your partner’s commitment, or do you constantly worry about the relationship ending?

Trust issues may stem from infidelity, dishonesty, or broken promises. But they can also develop more subtly through emotional unavailability, inconsistency, or feeling deprioritized. Some people also bring trust issues from past relationships or childhood experiences that affect their current partnership.

4. Conflict Resolution

All couples disagree—what matters is how you handle those disagreements. This dimension evaluates your ability to argue constructively, repair after fights, and resolve differences without damaging the relationship.

Healthy conflict resolution includes staying focused on the issue at hand, avoiding personal attacks, taking breaks when emotions escalate, and working toward solutions rather than just venting frustration. Most importantly, it includes the ability to repair and reconnect after disagreements.

Warning signs include arguments that spiral into criticism and contempt, bringing up past hurts repeatedly, stonewalling or withdrawing, or feeling like conflicts never actually get resolved—they just fade into resentful silence.

5. Shared Goals & Values

Long-term relationship satisfaction requires general alignment on life direction and core values. This doesn’t mean you need identical goals or beliefs, but major incompatibilities create persistent tension.

This dimension assesses whether you share similar visions for the future, from practical matters (where to live, whether to have children) to deeper questions (what gives life meaning, how to spend time and money). Do you work as a team toward common objectives, or does it feel like you’re pulling in opposite directions?

Misalignment in this area is particularly challenging because compromise isn’t always possible. You can’t have “half a child” or live in two cities simultaneously. That’s why it’s crucial to discuss major life goals early and revisit them as circumstances change.

6. Support & Appreciation

Feeling valued, respected, and supported by your partner is essential for relationship wellbeing. This dimension evaluates whether you feel like your partner is in your corner, celebrating your successes and providing comfort during difficulties.

Do you express gratitude and appreciation regularly? Does your partner show interest in your goals and help you achieve them? Do you feel like teammates rather than competitors or roommates?

Research by relationship expert John Gottman suggests that the ratio of positive to negative interactions is crucial—healthy relationships maintain at least five positive interactions for every negative one. Regular expressions of appreciation, affection, and support create the emotional bank account that sustains relationships through difficult times.

How to Use a Relationship Report Card

There’s no single “right” way to complete a relationship assessment. Different approaches serve different purposes, and what works best depends on your current situation and comfort level.

Taking It Solo: Many people prefer to complete the assessment individually first. This allows for honest self-reflection without the pressure of a partner’s presence. You can think through your responses carefully and identify patterns you might not notice in the moment. Some use their individual results as a jumping-off point for therapy, either individually or as a couple.

Taking It Together: Other couples choose to complete the assessment at the same time, then compare and discuss their responses. This approach can facilitate meaningful conversation about the relationship’s state. You might discover that you perceive certain areas very differently, which itself is valuable information. Discussing differences in perception can deepen understanding and reveal blind spots.

The Gentle Conversation Starter: Some people send the assessment to their partner as a non-confrontational way to initiate a relationship discussion. Instead of saying “we need to talk” (which can trigger anxiety), sharing an assessment communicates “I care about our relationship and want to check in on how we’re doing.” This can feel less threatening than a direct confrontation about problems.

Therapy Preparation: Many people complete a relationship report card before their first couples counseling session. It helps clarify what you want to work on and gives your therapist useful context. Some couples therapists even use similar assessments as part of their initial evaluation process.

Periodic Check-Ins: Some couples make relationship assessment a regular practice—perhaps annually on their anniversary, or quarterly as part of their relationship maintenance. This creates accountability and ensures you’re actively tending to your partnership rather than taking it for granted.

Supporting a Friend: You might also share this assessment with a friend who’s navigating relationship challenges. It offers support without giving direct advice, allowing them to reach their own conclusions about their partnership.

Take Your Free Relationship Report Card

Now it’s time to assess your own relationship. This 18-question assessment evaluates all six key areas of relationship health. For each question, select the response that best reflects your current experience.

Scoring Guide:

Each question is worth 1-4 points
4 points = Excellent/Always
3 points = Good/Usually
2 points = Fair/Sometimes
1 point = Poor/Rarely or Never

Communication (Questions 1-3)

1. How often do you and your partner have meaningful conversations?

☐ Daily or almost daily – we regularly connect (4 points)
☐ Several times a week – we make time when we can (3 points)
☐ Occasionally – when something important comes up (2 points)
☐ Rarely or never – we mostly discuss logistics (1 point)

2. When you disagree, how well do you listen to each other?

☐ We both listen carefully and try to understand (4 points)
☐ We usually listen, though sometimes we interrupt (3 points)
☐ We struggle to listen when emotions run high (2 points)
☐ We don’t really listen – we just wait to respond (1 point)

3. Can you comfortably share your feelings with your partner?

☐ Yes, I feel safe sharing anything (4 points)
☐ Mostly, though some topics are harder (3 points)
☐ Sometimes, but I often hold back (2 points)
☐ Rarely – I don’t feel comfortable opening up (1 point)

Communication Score: _____ / 12

Intimacy & Connection (Questions 4-6)

4. How satisfied are you with the physical intimacy in your relationship?

☐ Very satisfied – it meets both our needs (4 points)
☐ Mostly satisfied – could be better but it’s okay (3 points)
☐ Somewhat unsatisfied – there are issues (2 points)
☐ Very unsatisfied – this is a major concern (1 point)

5. Do you feel emotionally close to your partner?

☐ Yes, deeply connected and understood (4 points)
☐ Usually – we have our moments of closeness (3 points)
☐ Sometimes – I wish we were closer (2 points)
☐ No – I often feel alone in the relationship (1 point)

6. How often do you spend quality time together?

☐ Regularly – we prioritize our time together (4 points)
☐ Often – when life allows (3 points)
☐ Occasionally – it’s hard to find time (2 points)
☐ Rarely – we’re like ships passing in the night (1 point)

Intimacy & Connection Score: _____ / 12

Trust & Security (Questions 7-9)

7. Do you trust your partner completely?

☐ Yes, completely and without reservation (4 points)
☐ Mostly – minor doubts occasionally arise (3 points)
☐ Sometimes – trust has been tested (2 points)
☐ No – trust is a significant issue (1 point)

8. Can you be vulnerable with your partner without fear of judgment?

☐ Always – I feel completely safe being vulnerable (4 points)
☐ Usually – depends on the topic (3 points)
☐ Sometimes – I often protect myself (2 points)
☐ Rarely – I keep my guard up (1 point)

9. How secure do you feel in your relationship?

☐ Very secure – I’m confident in our commitment (4 points)
☐ Mostly secure – occasional worries arise (3 points)
☐ Somewhat insecure – I worry about our future (2 points)
☐ Very insecure – I question the relationship often (1 point)

Trust & Security Score: _____ / 12

Conflict Resolution (Questions 10-12)

10. How do you typically handle disagreements?

☐ We discuss calmly and find solutions together (4 points)
☐ We sometimes argue but usually resolve things (3 points)
☐ Arguments escalate, but we eventually move past them (2 points)
☐ We either avoid conflict or it turns destructive (1 point)

11. After a disagreement, how do you reconnect?

☐ We repair quickly with care and understanding (4 points)
☐ It takes some time but we get back to normal (3 points)
☐ We slowly drift back without really resolving things (2 points)
☐ We struggle to reconnect – resentment lingers (1 point)

12. Do past hurts frequently resurface in current arguments?

☐ Rarely – we’ve healed from past issues (4 points)
☐ Occasionally – only major unresolved issues (3 points)
☐ Often – old wounds get reopened (2 points)
☐ Constantly – we can’t let go of the past (1 point)

Conflict Resolution Score: _____ / 12

Shared Goals & Values (Questions 13-15)

13. Do you and your partner share similar life goals?

☐ Yes, we’re aligned on our vision for the future (4 points)
☐ Mostly – we have some differences but compromise (3 points)
☐ Somewhat – we have different priorities (2 points)
☐ No – we want different things from life (1 point)

14. How well do your core values align?

☐ Very well – we share fundamental beliefs (4 points)
☐ Fairly well – we respect our differences (3 points)
☐ Not very well – values clash sometimes (2 points)
☐ Poorly – our values are fundamentally different (1 point)

15. Do you work together as a team toward common goals?

☐ Yes, always – we’re true partners (4 points)
☐ Usually – we support each other’s goals (3 points)
☐ Sometimes – we’re more independent than united (2 points)
☐ Rarely – we feel like we’re on different teams (1 point)

Shared Goals & Values Score: _____ / 12

Support & Appreciation (Questions 16-18)

16. Do you feel supported by your partner?

☐ Completely – they’re my biggest cheerleader (4 points)
☐ Mostly – they show support when it matters (3 points)
☐ Sometimes – I wish they were more supportive (2 points)
☐ Rarely – I often feel unsupported (1 point)

17. How often do you express appreciation for each other?

☐ Frequently – gratitude is a regular practice (4 points)
☐ Often – we try to acknowledge each other (3 points)
☐ Occasionally – we could do better at this (2 points)
☐ Rarely – we tend to take each other for granted (1 point)

18. Do you feel valued in the relationship?

☐ Yes, deeply valued and appreciated (4 points)
☐ Mostly – though I’d like more acknowledgment (3 points)
☐ Sometimes – I question my importance (2 points)
☐ No – I often feel unappreciated (1 point)

Support & Appreciation Score: _____ / 12

TOTAL SCORE: _____ / 72

Interpreting Your Results

Now that you’ve completed the assessment, here’s how to interpret your scores:

Overall Score Interpretation:

61-72 points (85-100%): Grade A – Excellent
Your relationship shows strong foundations across all key areas. You have healthy communication patterns, trust, and connection. While no relationship is perfect, yours demonstrates the resilience and skills needed for long-term satisfaction. Continue nurturing what you’ve built together. Consider periodic relationship check-ins to maintain awareness and address small issues before they grow.

50-60 points (70-84%): Grade B – Good
Your relationship is on solid ground with room for growth. You have many strengths to build upon, and addressing a few specific areas could help you reach even greater connection and satisfaction. This is actually a common and healthy place for many couples, especially those navigating major life transitions like new parenthood, career changes, or other stressors. Consider focusing your efforts on the 1-2 lowest-scoring categories.

40-49 points (55-69%): Grade C – Fair
Your relationship has some challenges that deserve attention. There are opportunities for significant improvement in several areas. This doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed—many couples in this range benefit tremendously from couples therapy or relationship education programs. The key is acknowledging the issues and committing to change. Working with a couples therapist could help you navigate these issues effectively and develop new patterns.

Below 40 points (Below 55%): Grade D – Needs Work
Your relationship is facing significant challenges across multiple areas. This is a crucial time to seek support from a qualified couples therapist. While this score might feel discouraging, it’s important to remember that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. A skilled therapist can help you address these issues and decide the best path forward—whether that’s rebuilding the relationship or separating with less pain and more clarity.

Category Score Interpretation:

Look at your scores in each of the six categories:

10-12 points: This is a strength area for your relationship. Notice what you’re doing well here and try to maintain it.
7-9 points: This area is functioning adequately but has room for improvement. Small interventions could make a big difference.
4-6 points: This is a significant challenge area that deserves focused attention and possibly professional help.
1-3 points: This area is in crisis and requires immediate attention.

Your lowest-scoring categories indicate where to focus your improvement efforts. Many couples find that improving one area (especially communication) creates positive ripple effects in other areas.

When to Seek Professional Help

A relationship report card can help you identify concerns, but it can’t replace the expertise of a trained couples therapist. Consider seeking professional help if:

You’re Scoring Low in Multiple Categories: If you scored below 7 points in three or more categories, your relationship would likely benefit from professional guidance. A therapist can help you develop skills and create systematic change across multiple dimensions.

One Category is in Crisis: Even if your overall score is decent, a very low score in one area—especially trust or communication—may require professional intervention. Some issues are too complex or painful to navigate alone.

You’ve Tried to Improve on Your Own: If you’ve identified problems and made sincere efforts to address them but haven’t seen improvement, a therapist can offer new strategies and perspectives. Sometimes we’re too close to our own patterns to see them clearly.

Past Trauma is Affecting the Present: If either partner has experienced betrayal, infidelity, or other relational trauma, healing typically requires professional support. A trained therapist creates a safe container for processing difficult emotions and rebuilding trust.

You’re Considering Separation: Couples therapy isn’t just for saving relationships—it can also help couples separate more consciously and compassionately if that’s the right decision. A therapist can help you gain clarity about whether to continue working on the relationship or to part ways.

Prevention and Enrichment: You don’t need to be in crisis to benefit from couples therapy. Many thriving couples seek therapy for enrichment, premarital preparation, or proactive skill-building. It’s like going to the gym for your relationship—you’re investing in long-term health, not just fixing problems.

Chicago Couples Therapy: Your Next Step

At Couples Counseling Chicago, we’ve spent over 20 years helping couples in Lakeview, Boystown, and throughout Chicago’s North Side strengthen their relationships. Whether you’re in crisis or simply want to deepen your connection, we offer evidence-based couples therapy tailored to your unique situation.

Our therapists are trained in multiple approaches, including:

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT): Helps couples identify and transform negative interaction patterns while building secure attachment.
Gottman Method: Based on decades of research, this approach teaches specific skills for managing conflict and deepening friendship and intimacy.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Addresses thought patterns and behaviors that maintain relationship problems.
Internal Family Systems (IFS): Explores how past experiences and different “parts” of ourselves affect current relationship dynamics.

We also offer specialized services for LGBTQ+ couples, sex therapy and intimacy counseling, infidelity recovery, premarital counseling, and online therapy for couples who prefer virtual sessions.

The Power of Assessment and Awareness

Completing a relationship report card is an act of hope. It signals that you believe your relationship matters and deserves attention. Even if your scores reveal challenges, awareness is always the first step toward change. You can’t address what you don’t acknowledge.

Remember that your scores today represent a single moment in time. Relationships are dynamic—they grow, contract, face challenges, and heal. A low score isn’t a death sentence for your relationship, and a high score doesn’t mean you can stop tending to your partnership. Both require ongoing attention and intention.

Whether you choose to share your results with your partner, bring them to therapy, or simply use them for personal reflection, you’ve taken an important step. You’ve paused to honestly assess where you are, which is more than most couples ever do.

Moving Forward

If you completed this assessment with concerning results, don’t panic. Many couples have stood where you’re standing and gone on to build deeply satisfying relationships. The key is taking action rather than hoping things will improve on their own.

If you scored well, celebrate that! Then ask yourself: What can we do to maintain and even improve on these strengths? How can we make sure we don’t take this good thing for granted?

And if you’re somewhere in the middle—which describes most couples—focus on the areas with the most room for growth. Pick one or two categories where small improvements could make the biggest difference.

Most importantly, remember that relationships aren’t static. They require ongoing care, attention, and sometimes professional support. There’s no shame in seeking help—in fact, it’s one of the wisest investments you can make.

Take Action Today

If this assessment revealed areas where you’d like support, we invite you to schedule a free consultation with one of our experienced couples therapists in Chicago. We’ll discuss your specific situation, answer your questions about therapy, and help you decide if couples counseling is right for you.

You can also explore our other resources on relationships, including our blog posts on communication skills, managing conflict, rebuilding trust after infidelity, and keeping intimacy alive in long-term relationships.

Your relationship deserves care, attention, and support. Whether that comes through self-reflection tools like this assessment, books and resources, or professional therapy, the important thing is that you’re taking steps to nurture your partnership. That intention matters more than your score.

Ready to take the next step? Contact Couples Counseling Chicago today to schedule your free consultation. Visit our contact page to get started. We serve couples throughout Chicago, including Lakeview, Boystown, North Center, Lincoln Park, and surrounding communities, with both in-person and online therapy options available.

Found this helpful? Many people share this assessment with their partner as a conversation starter, or forward it to a friend who’s navigating relationship challenges. Sometimes the hardest part of improving a relationship is simply starting the conversation—and this tool can help with that.

Clinical Disclaimer: This relationship report card is an educational self-assessment tool and is not intended to provide clinical diagnosis, treatment, or therapeutic advice. The results generated by this tool are based on self-reported responses to general relationship questions and do not constitute a professional psychological or clinical evaluation. This assessment should not be used as a substitute for professional counseling, therapy, or medical advice from a licensed mental health provider.

While this tool may be useful as a conversation starter or for personal reflection, it has not been validated through peer-reviewed research and should not be interpreted as a scientifically rigorous measurement of relationship quality. Individuals and couples experiencing relationship distress, mental health concerns, or crisis situations are strongly encouraged to seek support from qualified professionals. If you are in crisis or experiencing thoughts of harm, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 or seek immediate emergency assistance.