Sexual Intimacy & Relationship Counseling in Lakeview, Chicago

Sexual intimacy challenges affect nearly every couple at some point. Whether you’re experiencing desire discrepancy, communication difficulties around sex, performance anxiety, or simply feeling disconnected from your partner, you’re not alone—and these issues don’t have to define your relationship.

At Couples Counseling Chicago, we’ve helped couples throughout Chicago’s North Side navigate sexual and intimacy concerns for over 20 years. Located in Lakeview at 655 W. Irving Park Rd, Suite #203, our practice provides compassionate, non-judgmental counseling that addresses the psychological and relational aspects of sexual health within the context of couples therapy.

Understanding Sexual Intimacy in Relationships

It’s truly remarkable how many couples who share their lives, homes, finances, and futures together struggle to talk openly about sex. They don’t discuss what they enjoy, what feels uncomfortable, or what they fantasize about. This silence creates distance, misunderstanding, and often profound frustration.

Sexual intimacy encompasses far more than physical acts—it includes emotional connection, vulnerability, trust, playfulness, and mutual pleasure. When sexual intimacy falters, it often signals deeper relational dynamics that need attention. Conversely, improving sexual connection frequently strengthens the entire relationship.

Why Sexual Issues Develop in Relationships

Sexual and intimacy challenges emerge for countless reasons:

• Life transitions – Parenthood, career changes, health issues, aging, menopause
• Stress and exhaustion – Busy schedules leaving no energy for intimacy
• Unresolved conflict – Anger and resentment creating emotional distance
• Communication breakdowns – Inability to express needs, desires, or boundaries
• Past trauma – Sexual abuse or assault affecting current intimacy
• Body image concerns – Shame or discomfort with one’s body
• Mismatched desire – Different levels of interest in sexual activity
• Performance anxiety – Fear of not “performing” adequately
• Medical issues – Health conditions affecting sexual function
• Infidelity – Betrayal damaging sexual trust and connection
• Cultural or religious messaging – Shame around sexuality from upbringing

At Couples Counseling Chicago, we help couples identify the specific factors affecting their sexual intimacy and develop practical strategies for reconnection and healing.

Our Approach to Sexual Intimacy Counseling

We want to be clear and honest about our services: we are not AASECT-certified sex therapists. However, we are experienced couples counselors who regularly address sexual and intimacy issues as a core component of relationship therapy. For over two decades, we’ve helped Chicago couples navigate these sensitive concerns with compassion, expertise, and proven therapeutic approaches.

What We Offer

Our intimacy counseling addresses the psychological and relational aspects of sexual health within couples therapy. We help couples:

• Communicate openly about sex – Learn to discuss desires, boundaries, and concerns without shame
• Address desire discrepancy – Navigate mismatched libido with understanding and compromise
• Rebuild emotional intimacy – Strengthen the emotional connection that supports physical intimacy
• Work through performance anxiety – Reduce pressure and rediscover pleasure
• Heal from infidelity’s impact on intimacy – Restore sexual trust after betrayal
• Reconnect after life changes – Address intimacy challenges from parenthood, aging, health issues
• Process shame and guilt – Examine unhelpful beliefs about sexuality
• Increase physical affection – Rebuild touch and non-sexual physical connection
• Navigate sexual identity concerns – Support couples exploring orientation or gender identity

When We Refer to Medical Professionals

We take a collaborative, responsible approach to sexual health. When clients present with potential medical concerns—such as erectile dysfunction, painful intercourse, lack of arousal, or other physical symptoms—we always encourage medical evaluation first.

For example, if a man experiences erectile difficulties, we recommend a complete physical examination to rule out common medical causes including diabetes, cardiovascular issues, hormonal imbalances, vitamin deficiencies, or medication side effects. Similarly, women experiencing painful intercourse should be evaluated for conditions like endometriosis, pelvic floor dysfunction, or hormonal changes.

Once medical factors are addressed (or ruled out), we can effectively address the psychological, relational, and emotional components of sexual concerns. We often work alongside physicians, urologists, gynecologists, and other healthcare providers to ensure comprehensive care.

 

Common Sexual & Intimacy Issues We Address

Our Chicago practice helps couples navigate a wide range of sexual and intimacy concerns:

Desire Discrepancy (Mismatched Libido)

Perhaps the most common issue couples face: one partner wants sex more frequently than the other. This creates a painful dynamic where one person feels rejected and the other feels pressured. We help couples understand that desire discrepancy is normal, not a relationship death sentence, and teach strategies for finding middle ground that honors both partners’ needs.

Communication Barriers Around Sex

Many couples find it easier to discuss finances, politics, or in-laws than to talk about their sex life. We create a safe space to practice sexual communication—expressing what feels good, what doesn’t, what you’d like to try, and what boundaries you need. Learning this skill transforms not just your sex life but your entire relationship.

Loss of Passion in Long-Term Relationships

The intense sexual connection that often characterizes new relationships naturally evolves over time. When careers, children, mortgages, and daily responsibilities dominate, sexual intimacy can become routine or disappear entirely. We help couples intentionally cultivate passion, playfulness, and erotic connection even amidst life’s demands.

Performance Anxiety

Anxiety about sexual performance—whether related to erections, orgasm, stamina, or simply “doing it right”—creates a self-fulfilling prophecy. The more you worry, the more difficult performance becomes. Our counseling helps reduce this pressure, shift focus from performance to pleasure, and rebuild sexual confidence.

Touch Deprivation & Physical Disconnection

Some couples stop touching altogether—no hugs, kisses, hand-holding, or physical affection beyond logistics. This touch deprivation affects mood, connection, and overall wellbeing. We help couples rebuild physical intimacy gradually, starting with non-sexual touch that feels safe and comfortable.

Sexual Shame & Guilt

Cultural, religious, or family messaging about sexuality often creates profound shame that interferes with healthy sexual expression. We help individuals and couples examine these beliefs, understand their origins, and develop healthier perspectives on sexuality that allow for genuine pleasure and connection.

Body Image Concerns

Feeling uncomfortable or ashamed of your body makes vulnerability and pleasure difficult. Whether related to aging, weight changes, physical disabilities, or internalized beauty standards, body image issues profoundly affect sexual intimacy. We address these concerns with compassion and practical strategies.

Intimacy After Infidelity

Betrayal devastates sexual trust. The betrayed partner may struggle with intrusive images, comparisons to the affair partner, or inability to feel safe being vulnerable. Our infidelity recovery counseling specifically addresses the complex work of restoring sexual intimacy after affairs.

Life Transitions Affecting Sexuality

Pregnancy, postpartum recovery, menopause, aging, illness, medication changes, and major life stressors all impact sexual desire and function. We help couples navigate these transitions with understanding, adapt to new realities, and find ways to maintain connection through change.

Sexual Trauma Recovery

Past sexual abuse or assault can create significant challenges in current intimate relationships. While we’re not specialized trauma therapists, we provide compassionate support for couples navigating how past trauma affects present intimacy, and we collaborate with trauma specialists when needed.

What to Expect in Sexual Intimacy Counseling

Talking about sex with a therapist—especially with your partner present—can feel intimidating. Here’s what the process looks like in our Lakeview practice:

Initial Assessment

During your first session, we’ll discuss:

• Your specific concerns about sexual intimacy
• How long these issues have existed
• What you’ve tried on your own
• Your relationship history and current dynamics
• Individual sexual histories (as relevant and comfortable)
• Medical factors that may be involved
• Your goals for counseling

We create a non-judgmental environment where both partners feel safe discussing sensitive topics. There’s no pressure to share anything before you’re ready.

Education & Understanding

Many people know surprisingly little about sexual physiology, arousal patterns, or what constitutes “normal” sexuality. We provide education about:

• How sexual response works for different people
• The wide range of “normal” sexual preferences and behaviors
• How desire operates (and why it changes over time)
• The connection between emotional and physical intimacy
• Common myths about sex and relationships

This knowledge alone often provides tremendous relief and helps couples normalize their experiences.

Communication Skills Development

We teach practical skills for talking about sex:

• Expressing desires – “I enjoy when you…” rather than vague hints
• Setting boundaries – “I’m not comfortable with…” without guilt
• Giving feedback – “That feels good” vs. “You’re doing it wrong”
• Initiating sex – Clear, respectful approaches to starting intimacy
• Declining sex – Saying no without rejection or shame
• Discussing challenges – Bringing up concerns without blame

These communication tools transform not just sexual intimacy but overall relationship quality.

Behavioral Exercises & Homework

Sexual intimacy counseling often includes structured exercises to practice at home:

Sensate Focus

One of the most effective techniques for reducing performance anxiety and rebuilding physical connection is sensate focus. This structured approach involves partners exploring each other’s bodies through touch—initially without any goal of arousal or orgasm.

The process typically unfolds in stages:

• Stage 1: Non-genital touch – Taking turns giving and receiving touch on non-sexual body areas, focusing on sensations without pressure for arousal
• Stage 2: Genital touch (non-demand) – Gradually including genital touch, still without expectation of arousal or orgasm
• Stage 3: Mutual touch – Both partners touching simultaneously, building toward more interactive intimacy
• Stage 4: Intercourse (when ready) – Eventually incorporating intercourse, but only when both partners feel comfortable and aroused

Sensate focus helps couples rediscover pleasure, reduce anxiety, and rebuild trust in physical intimacy. We provide detailed guidance on implementing these exercises in ways that feel comfortable for both partners.

Other Common Exercises

• Scheduling intimacy – Creating protected time for connection (yes, scheduling sex actually helps!)
• Non-sexual affection practice – Daily hugs, kisses, hand-holding to rebuild physical closeness
• Desire journals – Tracking patterns in arousal and desire to identify triggers and obstacles
• Fantasy sharing – Gradual disclosure of sexual thoughts and preferences
• Pleasure mapping – Exploring and communicating what types of touch feel best

Addressing Underlying Issues

Sexual intimacy problems rarely exist in isolation. We help couples identify and address:

• Unresolved conflicts creating emotional distance
• Power imbalances in the relationship
• Trust issues from past betrayals
• Individual mental health concerns (depression, anxiety) affecting sexuality
• Stress from work, finances, or family
• Attachment wounds influencing vulnerability and connection

Improving these broader relational dynamics often naturally improves sexual intimacy.

The Importance of Touch Beyond Sex

Research shows that touch deprivation affects mood, immune function, and overall wellbeing. Studies primarily conducted with newborns and elderly populations demonstrate strong connections between lack of touch and negative health outcomes—and the same holds true for adults in relationships.

When couples stop touching—no hugs, hand-holding, cuddling, or casual physical affection—both partners often become more irritable, disconnected, and lonely. This creates a vicious cycle: you feel upset, so you don’t want to touch or be touched; the lack of touch makes you more upset; and the cycle continues.

We help couples break this pattern by:

• Identifying barriers to non-sexual physical affection
• Creating agreements about daily touch (morning hugs, goodbye kisses, bedtime cuddling)
• Distinguishing between affectionate touch and sexual initiation
• Rebuilding comfort with physical closeness gradually
• Understanding each partner’s touch preferences and needs

For many couples, restoring non-sexual physical affection becomes the foundation that eventually supports improved sexual intimacy.

LGBTQ+ Affirming Intimacy Counseling

For over 20 years, our Lakeview practice has served Chicago’s LGBTQ+ community with deep understanding and affirmation. We provide intimacy counseling for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, queer, and questioning individuals and couples.

We understand unique dynamics affecting LGBTQ+ sexual intimacy:

• Impact of coming out processes on existing relationships
• Navigating sexual identity exploration within partnerships
• Addressing internalized homophobia or transphobia affecting sexuality
• Minority stress and its effects on desire and connection
• Lack of relationship models and sexual scripts for LGBTQ+ partnerships
• Body dysphoria affecting intimacy (for transgender individuals)
• Navigating assumptions about sexual roles and preferences

Our LGBTQ+ couples counseling creates a safe, affirming space to address these and all intimacy concerns.

Individual vs. Couples Sessions for Intimacy Issues

While sexual intimacy counseling typically involves both partners, you can attend alone if your partner isn’t ready or willing to participate.

When Individual Counseling Helps

Individual relationship counseling for intimacy concerns can help you:

• Process your feelings about sexual issues privately
• Develop communication skills before bringing concerns to your partner
• Address personal sexual shame or trauma
• Gain clarity about your needs and boundaries
• Work through body image or performance anxiety
• Decide whether to stay in a sexually unfulfilling relationship

Many partners who initially refuse couples therapy become willing after seeing their partner’s growth through individual work.

Virtual Intimacy Counseling Throughout Illinois

We offer secure online therapy for couples throughout Illinois who prefer virtual sessions or live outside Chicago. Many couples find discussing sexual concerns from the privacy of home actually easier than in-person sessions.

Our HIPAA-compliant video platform provides the same quality care as in-person appointments, with added convenience and privacy.

Frequently Asked Questions About Sexual Intimacy Counseling

How is intimacy counseling different from sex therapy?

AASECT-certified sex therapists complete specialized training focused exclusively on sexual dysfunction and sexuality concerns. While we’re experienced couples therapists who regularly address sexual and intimacy issues, we’re not specialized sex therapists. We focus on the relational and psychological aspects of sexual health within couples therapy. For highly specialized concerns or severe sexual dysfunction, we may refer to certified sex therapists while continuing to support your relationship work.

Will we have to talk about uncomfortable details in front of each other?

You share only what feels comfortable. We never pressure couples to disclose intimate details they’re not ready to discuss. Many couples find that what initially feels uncomfortable becomes easier over time as trust builds—both with each other and with the therapist. We move at your pace.

What if only one of us thinks we have a sexual problem?

Sexual concerns affect the relationship, not just one person. Both partners participate in the dynamic, even when one person experiences the primary symptom. We approach intimacy issues as shared relationship challenges requiring both partners’ involvement in solutions.

How long does intimacy counseling take?

Sexual and intimacy counseling is typically shorter-term than general couples therapy, often lasting 8-20 sessions. However, duration depends on the complexity of issues, whether medical factors are involved, past trauma, and how quickly couples implement changes. Some couples see improvement within weeks; others need several months.

Do you assign “homework” between sessions?

Yes. Sexual intimacy counseling often includes structured exercises to practice at home, such as sensate focus, communication exercises, or scheduling intimate time. These assignments are essential for creating real change—therapy alone isn’t enough without practicing new behaviors.

What if we haven’t had sex in months or years?

You’re not alone. Many couples seeking intimacy counseling have gone months or even years without sexual contact. We help you understand how you reached this point and create a gradual, comfortable path back to physical intimacy—typically starting with non-sexual touch and rebuilding from there.

Can you help if one partner has much higher desire than the other?

Desire discrepancy is one of the most common issues we address. We help both partners understand that different desire levels don’t mean incompatibility. You’ll learn to navigate this difference with compassion, finding compromises that honor both partners’ needs without pressure or resentment.

What about sexual issues related to aging or menopause?

Absolutely. Aging, menopause, andropause, and health changes significantly affect sexuality. We help couples adapt to these changes, find new ways of experiencing pleasure, address concerns about attractiveness or desirability, and maintain connection through life’s transitions.

Do you work with couples in non-monogamous or polyamorous relationships?

Yes. We provide affirming counseling for couples in all relationship configurations. Whether navigating intimacy in open relationships, polyamorous partnerships, or traditional monogamy, we respect your relationship structure and help address the intimacy concerns specific to your situation.

What if past sexual trauma affects our intimacy?

Sexual trauma significantly impacts current intimate relationships. While we’re not specialized trauma therapists, we provide compassionate support for couples navigating how past abuse or assault affects present sexuality. We often collaborate with trauma specialists for comprehensive care, addressing both individual healing and relational impacts.

Taking the First Step

Seeking help for sexual or intimacy concerns takes courage. These issues feel deeply personal, sometimes shameful, and often difficult to articulate. But you don’t have to continue struggling in silence or isolation.

For over 20 years, couples throughout Chicago’s North Side have trusted us with their most vulnerable concerns. We’ve heard it all, without judgment, and we’ve helped countless couples rediscover pleasure, passion, and connection.

Whether you’re experiencing desire discrepancy, communication challenges, performance anxiety, loss of passion, or any other sexual or intimacy concern, compassionate, effective help is available.

Ready to reconnect with your partner?

Call us today at 773-598-7797 or complete our confidential contact form. Our Lakeview office welcomes couples from throughout Chicago including Boystown, Wrigleyville, Lincoln Park, Roscoe Village, North Center, and surrounding neighborhoods. Virtual therapy also available throughout Illinois.

Additional Resources

Explore these resources to learn more about relationships and intimacy:

• Marriage Counseling Chicago – Comprehensive marriage therapy services
• Couples Counseling Services – Overview of all our relationship therapy offerings
• Infidelity Counseling – Healing betrayal and rebuilding sexual trust
• LGBTQ+ Couples Counseling – Affirming therapy for all orientations and identities
• Individual Relationship Counseling – Working on relationship issues alone
• Online Couples Counseling – Virtual therapy throughout Illinois

Couples Counseling Chicago provides sexual intimacy and relationship counseling in Lakeview, serving couples throughout Chicago’s North Side including Boystown, Wrigleyville, Lincoln Park, Roscoe Village, North Center, Uptown, and Andersonville. We address the psychological and relational aspects of sexual health within couples therapy. In-person sessions at our Lakeview office; virtual therapy available throughout Illinois. Call 773-598-7797 to schedule.