Bringing up couples therapy can feel intimidating, even when you know your relationship could benefit from professional support. Many people worry about their partner’s reaction or fear that suggesting therapy might be taken the wrong way. The truth is, asking your partner to attend couples counseling with you is an act of commitment and love—it shows you’re invested in making your relationship stronger.
If you’ve been considering couples therapy but aren’t sure how to start the conversation, this guide will help you approach your partner with confidence, compassion, and clarity.
Why the Conversation Feels Difficult
Before we discuss how to talk to your partner about therapy, it’s helpful to understand why this conversation feels so challenging. Many people carry misconceptions about what couples therapy means. Some view it as a last resort before divorce, while others see it as an admission that something is fundamentally broken in the relationship. What’s interesting is these same myths don’t seem to exist when it comes to pre-marriage counseling.
In reality, couples therapy is a proactive investment in your relationship’s health. Just as you might see a doctor for a checkup before you’re sick, attending therapy can help you strengthen your relationship before small issues become larger problems. The most successful couples often seek therapy not because they’re in crisis, but because they want to improve their communication and deepen their connection.
You might also worry that your partner will feel blamed or criticized. This concern is natural, but the way you frame the conversation makes all the difference.
Choose the Right Time and Setting
Timing matters when discussing something as important as couples therapy. Avoid bringing it up during an argument, when either of you is stressed or tired, or when you’re rushed. Instead, choose a calm moment when you both have time to talk without interruptions.
Consider having the conversation during a quiet evening at home, during a walk together, or over a relaxed meal. The setting should feel safe and private, allowing both of you to speak openly without feeling pressured or defensive.
If you’ve been arguing frequently, you might wait for a peaceful period rather than bringing it up in the heat of conflict. However, if the pattern continues, it’s okay to have the conversation even during a difficult time—just make sure you’re approaching it from a calm, thoughtful place rather than as an extension of your conflict.
Frame It as “We,” Not “You”
One of the most important principles when suggesting couples therapy is to use collaborative language. This is about both of you working together, not about fixing one person’s problems.
Instead of saying, “You need to work on your anger issues,” try something like, “I think we could benefit from learning better ways to handle conflict together.” Rather than, “You never listen to me,” consider, “I’d like us to improve our communication skills as a couple.”
This approach accomplishes several things. First, it removes blame from the equation. Second, it emphasizes that you’re in this together. Third, it frames therapy as a tool for growth rather than punishment or criticism.
Be Honest About Your Feelings
While it’s important to avoid blame, you should still be honest and vulnerable about your own experience. Share your feelings using “I” statements that express your perspective without attacking your partner.
For example: “I’ve been feeling disconnected from you lately, and I miss the closeness we used to have. I think a therapist could help us find our way back to each other.” Or: “I love you and want our relationship to thrive. I think we could use some professional guidance to navigate the challenges we’re facing.”
Being vulnerable shows your partner that this suggestion comes from a place of care and commitment, not criticism or dissatisfaction. It demonstrates that you’re willing to do the work alongside them.
Express Your Commitment
Make it clear that suggesting therapy is actually a sign of your investment in the relationship. You might say something like: “I care about us too much to let these patterns continue. I want to put in the effort to make things better because this relationship matters to me.”
This reassurance can help ease your partner’s fears that you’re considering ending the relationship or that you’ve already checked out emotionally.
Anticipate and Address Concerns
Your partner may have concerns or objections about couples therapy. Being prepared to address these worries can help the conversation go more smoothly.
Common Concerns and How to Respond
“Therapy is only for couples who are about to break up.” Many successful couples attend therapy to strengthen an already good relationship. Therapists in Chicago work with couples at all stages, from newlyweds wanting to build a strong foundation to long-term partners seeking to reconnect. Therapy is about growth and improvement, not just crisis management.
“A therapist will take sides.” Professional couples therapists are trained to remain neutral and help both partners feel heard and understood. The therapist’s role is to facilitate communication and provide tools, not to judge or favor one person over the other.
“It’s too expensive.” While therapy is an investment, many Chicago therapists offer sliding scale fees, and some insurance plans cover couples counseling. When you consider the cost of letting relationship problems escalate—or the potential cost of separation or divorce—therapy is often far more affordable than the alternatives.
“I don’t want to talk to a stranger about our problems.” This is a valid concern, but therapists are trained professionals bound by strict confidentiality. Many people find it easier to open up to an objective third party than to family or friends who might have their own biases. A therapist provides a safe space where both partners can speak freely.
“We should be able to figure this out ourselves.” Relationships are complex, and everyone has blind spots. Just as you might hire a personal trainer to improve your fitness or a financial advisor to manage your money, a couples therapist brings specialized expertise to help you navigate relationship challenges. Seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Offer to Research Together
Instead of presenting couples therapy as a done deal, invite your partner to be part of the process. Suggest looking at therapist profiles together, reading about different approaches to couples therapy, or even attending an initial consultation to see if it feels like a good fit.
This collaborative approach gives your partner some control and shows that you’re not trying to force anything on them. You might say, “Would you be open to looking at some therapist websites with me? We could read about their approaches and see if anyone resonates with both of us.”
When researching Chicago couples therapists, you can explore different specialties and approaches together. Some therapists focus on Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), which emphasizes emotional connection, while others use the Gottman Method, which provides practical communication tools. Finding an approach that appeals to both of you can make the decision feel more comfortable.
Start Small If Needed
If your partner is hesitant, suggest starting with just one or two sessions to see how it goes. Framing it as an experiment rather than a long-term commitment can reduce pressure and make the idea more approachable.
You might say, “What if we tried three sessions and then decided together if it’s helpful? We wouldn’t have to commit to anything long-term right away.” This gives your partner an easy exit if therapy truly isn’t working, which can paradoxically make them more willing to give it a try.
Highlight the Benefits You’re Seeking
Be specific about what you hope to gain from couples therapy. Rather than focusing solely on problems, talk about the positive outcomes you envision.
For example: “I’d love for us to learn how to argue more constructively so we don’t get stuck in the same cycles.” Or: “I think therapy could help us understand each other’s needs better and feel more connected.” Or: “I want us to have better tools for handling stress together instead of taking it out on each other.”
Focusing on goals rather than just problems makes therapy feel more aspirational and less like a punishment or remediation.
Be Patient With the Process
Your partner might not immediately agree to couples therapy, and that’s okay. Give them time to think about it, and be prepared to revisit the conversation if necessary. Some people need time to warm up to the idea.
If they’re not ready immediately, you might suggest checking in again in a week or two. In the meantime, you could share articles about couples therapy (like this one!) or mention that you’ve been learning about how it works.
However, if your partner consistently refuses to consider therapy despite ongoing relationship problems, you may need to attend couples therapy for one instead. Working with a therapist on your own can help you develop healthier communication patterns, process your feelings about the relationship, and decide what steps to take next. Sometimes when one partner begins individual therapy, the other becomes more open to couples work.
What Happens After They Say Yes
Once your partner agrees to try couples therapy, the next step is finding the right therapist for both of you. In Chicago, you have many excellent options, and it’s worth taking time to find someone who feels like a good fit.
During your search, look for therapists who specialize in couples counseling and have experience with the specific issues you’re facing—whether that’s communication problems, infidelity recovery, blended family challenges, or rebuilding intimacy. Many therapists offer brief phone consultations to help you determine if they’re the right match.
After your first session, check in with each other about how it felt. Remember that it’s normal to feel a little uncomfortable at first, but you should both feel heard and respected by the therapist. If something doesn’t feel right, it’s okay to try a different therapist until you find the best fit.
Moving Forward Together
Talking to your partner about starting couples therapy takes courage, but it’s one of the most loving things you can do for your relationship. By approaching the conversation with empathy, using collaborative language, and focusing on shared goals, you create the foundation for positive change.
Remember that seeking therapy isn’t a sign that your relationship is failing—it’s evidence that you care enough to invest in making it stronger. Whether you’re dealing with specific challenges or simply want to deepen your connection, couples therapy provides tools and insights that can transform your relationship.
The conversation might feel difficult, but it’s the first step toward building the partnership you both want and deserve.
