Looking at When Couples Therapy Works

You’ve probably heard the statistics. You know that couples therapy can help relationships. But you might be wondering: “Will it actually work for us?”

It’s a fair question. After all, therapy requires time, money, emotional energy, and vulnerability. You want to know if it’s worth the investment.

In my 10+ years working with couples in Chicago, I’ve seen therapy transform relationships that seemed beyond repair. But I’ve also learned that couples therapy works best in certain situations—when both partners are ready, when specific conditions are present, and when you understand what therapy can (and can’t) do.

Let’s talk about five situations where couples therapy has the highest success rate, and what makes these scenarios particularly well-suited for therapeutic intervention.

Situation #1: You Both Want the Relationship to Succeed (Even If You’re Not Sure How)

Here’s the most important factor in successful couples therapy: both partners want to make the relationship work.

Notice I didn’t say “both partners are happy” or “both partners are certain the relationship can be saved.” I said both partners want it to work. There’s a crucial difference.

You can be frustrated, hurt, angry, or confused about your relationship and still want to save it. You can be on the verge of giving up but still have that small part of you that hopes things could be different. That’s enough to start with.

What makes this situation ideal for therapy is that motivation—even reluctant motivation—gives us something to work with. When both partners are willing to show up and try, we can address the underlying issues causing your pain. Thankfully with the proliferation of online couples therapy, showing up is a whole lot easier.

What therapy does in this situation: We help you reconnect with why you chose each other in the first place. We identify the negative patterns keeping you stuck and teach you new ways of relating. We create a safe space where both of you feel heard and validated. When both partners are invested in the outcome, therapy provides the tools and guidance to get there.

I’ve worked with couples who could barely look at each other in our first session, but because they both genuinely wanted to repair the relationship, they were able to do the hard work of rebuilding trust and connection.

Situation #2: You’re Facing a Major Life Transition Together

Some of the most successful couples therapy happens when relationships are actually going well—but a big change is on the horizon.

Major life transitions stress even the strongest relationships:

Getting married or moving in together
Having a first baby (or any baby)
Career changes or job loss
Relocating to a new city
Caring for aging parents
Retirement
Empty nest syndrome
Health diagnoses

These transitions force you to renegotiate roles, expectations, and routines. What worked before might not work now. The partner who always handled finances might be unemployed. The person who wanted adventure might now crave stability. Your sex life, social life, and daily rhythms all shift.

Here’s why therapy works so well during transitions: you’re addressing challenges proactively rather than waiting until resentment builds.

What therapy does in this situation: We help you identify and communicate your expectations, fears, and needs during this transition. We address the practical logistics (who’s doing what, how you’ll handle new responsibilities) and the emotional shifts (how you’re feeling, what you’re grieving or celebrating). We help you build a shared vision for this new chapter rather than letting assumptions and disappointments create distance.

I often see couples who come in before having a baby, for example. They’re excited but also aware that parenthood changes everything. In therapy, we discuss division of labor, maintaining intimacy, managing sleep deprivation, and staying connected as a couple while becoming parents. These couples tend to navigate the transition much more smoothly than those who wait until they’re already drowning in conflict. As an aside, the goal of heading off problems is something we look at carefully as part of our Chicago premarital counseling services.

Situation #3: Communication Has Broken Down, But You’re Still Trying to Talk

There’s a particular moment in relationships that’s perfectly suited for couples therapy: when communication has become difficult or painful, but you haven’t completely given up on trying to reach each other.

Maybe every conversation about certain topics turns into a fight. Maybe one partner shuts down while the other escalates. Maybe you’re stuck in a cycle where one person criticizes, the other defends, and nothing gets resolved.

You might feel like you’re speaking different languages. Your partner says something, and you hear something completely different. You try to express your feelings, but they hear it as an attack. The harder you try to connect, the more disconnected you become.

The key phrase here is “you’re still trying.” When couples have completely stopped attempting to communicate, therapy is harder. But when you’re still reaching for each other—even if it’s clumsy, even if it’s not working—therapy can be remarkably effective.

What therapy does in this situation: We teach you how to really listen to each other, not just wait for your turn to talk. We help you identify the destructive communication patterns (criticism, contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling) and replace them with healthier approaches. We slow down heated conversations so you can hear the vulnerability beneath your partner’s anger or the hurt beneath their withdrawal.

In the therapy room, I can interrupt patterns in real-time: “Wait, John, did you hear what Sarah just said? She’s not criticizing you—she’s saying she misses feeling close to you.” These moments of insight, repeated over time, help couples learn to decode each other’s communication more accurately.

I’ve watched couples who came in unable to discuss anything without fighting learn to have difficult conversations with respect and empathy. It takes practice, but it absolutely can be learned.

Situation #4: You’re Dealing with a Specific Issue or Betrayal—And You’re Both Committed to Healing

Sometimes relationships face a specific, identifiable crisis:

An affair or emotional infidelity
A major betrayal of trust
A significant secret revealed
Financial deception
Addiction issues affecting the relationship

These situations cause deep wounds. The hurt partner feels betrayed, unsafe, and unsure if they can ever trust again. The partner who caused the harm might feel guilty, defensive, or uncertain how to rebuild trust.

Here’s what makes these situations conducive to successful therapy: there’s a clear issue to address, and often a sense of urgency that motivates both partners to do the work.

Couples therapy doesn’t guarantee you’ll stay together after a major betrayal—sometimes the damage is too great, or the hurt partner realizes they can’t move forward. But therapy significantly increases your chances of healing, whether that means staying together or separating with dignity.

What therapy does in this situation: We create a structured environment to process the pain, anger, and grief. We help the hurt partner feel heard and validated while helping the other partner truly understand the impact of their actions. We address the underlying relationship dynamics that may have contributed to the crisis (without excusing the behavior). And crucially, we help rebuild trust through transparency, accountability, and consistent follow-through.

Recovering from infidelity or major betrayal is one of the hardest things a couple can face. But with skilled therapeutic support, many couples not only survive but actually create a stronger, more honest relationship than they had before. The crisis becomes a catalyst for addressing issues they’d been avoiding for years.

Situation #5: You’ve Tried to Fix Things on Your Own, But Keep Getting Stuck

This might be the most common situation I see: couples who have been trying—really trying—to improve their relationship, but can’t seem to break out of destructive patterns.

You’ve had countless late-night conversations promising to do better. You’ve read relationship books. Maybe you’ve even implemented some good advice for a while. But eventually, you slide back into the same cycles:

The same fights about the same topics
The same pursuer-distancer dynamic
The same feelings of being misunderstood
The same sense that your partner just doesn’t “get it”

Here’s why this situation is perfect for therapy: your willingness to try proves you care about the relationship, but your inability to change the patterns on your own shows you need expert guidance.

There’s no shame in this. When you’re inside a relationship system, it’s incredibly difficult to see the patterns clearly. You’re reacting from your own emotional wounds, childhood experiences, and defensive habits. Your partner is doing the same. Neither of you can be objective when you’re hurting.

What therapy does in this situation: We provide that crucial outside perspective. A skilled couples therapist can identify patterns you can’t see when you’re caught up in them. We point out the cycle: “Notice how when you express concern, your partner hears criticism and pulls away? And when they pull away, you feel rejected and express more concern? You’re both trying to connect but accidentally pushing each other away.”

These insights are lightbulb moments. Once you can see the pattern, you can start to interrupt it. We give you tools to practice in session—safer ways to express needs, better ways to respond when you’re triggered, methods to repair after conflict. Over time, these new patterns become your default rather than the old destructive ones.

I’ve worked with incredibly intelligent, emotionally aware couples who simply couldn’t see their own blind spots. Once we identified the patterns together, they made rapid progress.

What Makes These Situations Different?

You might notice a common thread in all five situations: willingness.

Willingness to show up
Willingness to be vulnerable
Willingness to look at your own contribution to problems
Willingness to try something different

Couples therapy works best when both partners bring at least a baseline willingness to engage. You don’t have to be optimistic. You don’t have to have all the answers. You don’t even have to be sure the relationship will survive.

But you do have to be willing to try.

The situations where couples therapy struggles most are:

One partner has completely checked out and is only there to say they “tried therapy”
One or both partners refuse to take any responsibility for relationship problems
There’s active, unaddressed addiction or untreated mental illness
One partner has already decided to leave and isn’t open to changing their mind
There’s ongoing abuse (in which case individual therapy is safer than couples therapy)

If any of these apply, couples therapy can still be helpful—but often individual therapy should come first.

What Can You Realistically Expect from Couples Therapy?

Let’s be honest about what therapy can and cannot do.

Couples therapy can:

Help you understand each other’s perspectives and needs
Teach you healthier communication skills
Identify and interrupt destructive patterns
Help you rebuild trust and emotional connection
Provide tools to manage conflict constructively
Create space for difficult conversations in a safe environment
Help you decide if staying together is right for you

Couples therapy cannot:

Force someone to change who doesn’t want to
Fix a relationship if only one person does the work
Erase the past or undo hurt
Tell you whether to stay together or break up (that’s your decision)
Work miracles in two sessions (meaningful change takes time)
Make you compatible if you have fundamentally different values or life goals

The couples who get the most from therapy understand it’s a process, not a quick fix. You’re learning new ways of being together, and that takes time and practice.

Most couples start seeing some improvement within 8-12 sessions, though complex issues (like recovering from infidelity) may take longer. Some couples come for “tune-ups” even after their initial concerns are resolved, using therapy as ongoing relationship maintenance.

How to Know If It’s the Right Time for You

So where does your relationship fit?

Ask yourself these questions:

Do we both want this relationship to work, even if we’re not sure how to get there?
Are we facing a transition or challenge that’s straining our connection?
Are we still trying to communicate, even though it’s not going well?
Is there a specific issue we need help working through?
Have we tried to fix things ourselves but keep getting stuck in the same patterns?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, couples therapy could be exactly what you need.

The best time to seek therapy isn’t when your relationship is in crisis (though therapy can certainly help then too). The best time is when you notice problems developing but still have goodwill toward each other. The earlier you address issues, the easier they are to resolve.

Think of it like going to the dentist. You could wait until you have a massive cavity, or you could go for regular cleanings and catch small problems early. Both approaches can save your teeth—but one is a lot less painful.

Taking the Next Step

If you recognize your relationship in these situations, you’re probably ready for couples therapy.

The fact that you’re reading this article suggests you’re already thinking about how to improve your relationship. That’s an excellent sign. It means you haven’t given up. It means you’re looking for solutions.

Here’s what I want you to remember: seeking couples therapy isn’t an admission of failure. It’s an investment in your relationship. It’s choosing to get expert help rather than struggling alone. It’s being brave enough to be vulnerable and do the hard work of growth.

The couples who do best in therapy are the ones who come in with realistic expectations, genuine willingness to look at themselves, and commitment to the process. If that describes you and your partner, you’re likely to see significant positive changes.

Ready to Invest in Your Relationship?

At Couples Counseling Chicago, we’ve been helping couples strengthen their relationships for over 25 years. We work with partners navigating all kinds of challenges—communication problems, life transitions, trust issues, intimacy concerns, and patterns they can’t seem to break on their own.

Our practice is located in Chicago’s Lakeview neighborhood, and we specialize in evidence-based approaches that actually work. We provide a safe, nonjudgmental space where both partners can be heard and understood.

If you’re ready to invest in your relationship, we’re here to help.

Call us at 773-598-7797 or visit couplescounselingchicago.net to schedule your first session.

Your relationship deserves expert support. And you deserve a relationship where you both feel heard, valued, and connected.

Let’s work on that together.