Codependency and Relationships
Codependency is a term we hear often—but what does it truly mean? Can you identify patterns in your relationships that suggest codependency might be present? And if so, what steps can you take to foster positive change?
According to research published in the Journal of Clinical Psychology, there are specific behaviors that can help answer these questions. At the Couples Counseling Center in Chicago, we’ve developed a Codependency Checklist designed to offer deeper insight into your relationship dynamics.
Before downloading the checklist, it’s helpful to understand what codependency actually entails. This foundational knowledge will give context to your self-reflection and guide you toward greater clarity.
Ready to dive in? Let’s begin.
What Is Codependency?
Codependency is a behavioral pattern in which a person prioritizes the needs, emotions, or problems of others at the expense of their own well-being. It often involves an excessive reliance on approval, validation, or a sense of purpose derived from helping or rescuing others—especially in unhealthy or dysfunctional relationships.
People who are codependent may:
- Struggle to set boundaries [see our post on boundaries]
- Feel responsible for others’ feelings or actions
- Neglect their own needs to avoid conflict or abandonment
- Have difficulty expressing emotions or asking for help
- Stay in relationships that are toxic, abusive, or one-sided
Codependency can develop from early life experiences, such as growing up in a household with addiction, neglect, or emotional instability. Over time, these patterns can become deeply ingrained, affecting how individuals relate to others and themselves.
What Are Some Examples of Codependency?
1. Codependency and Irresponsibility
In codependent relationships, one or both individuals may enable irresponsible behavior by failing to hold the other accountable. This dynamic can manifest in various ways:
- Making excuses for poor financial decisions [see our post on money and relationships]
- Covering bills for a partner who consistently mismanages money
- Cleaning up after someone who is fully capable of doing it themselves
- Justifying selfish or narcissistic behavior
- Overlooking abusive, toxic, or destructive actions
2. Codependency and Learned Helplessness
Codependent individuals often internalize their partner’s narrative of helplessness. “Learned helplessness” refers to a mindset where someone repeatedly says, “I can’t,” believing they lack the power to change their circumstances.
Examples of this dynamic include:
- Accepting and reinforcing self-defeating behaviors
- “Picking up the slack” instead of encouraging growth
- Validating “I can’t” statements by doing tasks for them
3. Codependency and Addiction
Addiction and codependency frequently go hand in hand. Codependents are often drawn to partners with addictions out of a desire to “fix” or “save” them. Unfortunately, individuals struggling with addiction are typically emotionally unavailable, creating a painful cycle for the codependent.
Common signs of this pattern include:
- Denying the existence of an addiction (e.g., alcohol or drugs)
- Making excuses for addictive behaviors
- Repeating childhood roles, such as becoming the “peacemaker” if a parent was an addict
4. Codependency and Underachievement
Codependents often find themselves in relationships with underachievers. Initially motivated by a desire to help or improve their partner, they may eventually fall into a dynamic that reinforces learned helplessness.
Examples include:
- Taking on tasks the other person is capable of doing
- Creating emotional or financial dependence
- Becoming mutually dependent—emotionally, financially, or both
5. Codependency and Poor Self-Care
Codependency is inherently dysfunctional because it enables another person’s disempowerment—often at the expense of one’s own well-being. This is especially evident in the realm of self-care.
Signs of poor self-care in codependent relationships include:
- Consistently handling household chores the other person can manage
- Buying groceries and preparing meals without allowing the other person to participate
- Grooming or bathing the other person despite their ability to do so themselves
Codependency Checklist
Below is our codependency checklist. Keep in mind that this list does not encompass every possible codependent behavior. Rather, it serves as a guide to help you reflect more deeply on your relationship patterns and attachment styles.
-> Codependency Checklist: Am I Codependent?<-
Finally, participating in counseling for codependency can empower you to recognize unhealthy patterns and take meaningful steps toward change—both now and in the future. If you choose to work with a therapist, honesty about your relationship experiences is essential. Your counselor will provide a safe, nonjudgmental space, and everything you share will remain confidential.
Wrap Up
One way to get a greater understanding of your approach to relationships is to take part in relationship focused counseling for individuals. Many people find this type of therapy helps them to gain new perspectives and insights. Armed with this knowledge, healthy changes are possible.
We hope you found the information shared here useful. Thanks for stopping by the Couples Counseling Center Chicago!
